It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.
Compromising one’s belief will be followed by a lot of defamation on one’s reputation. However, it is not necessarily true that the adherence is not harmful as well and sometimes, compromising is less harmful than the adherence to one’s beliefs. The following essay will argue why that is.
Admittedly, compromising one’s belief can bring a huge damage to some people who need people’s support. For instance, politicians who changed one’s political stance since its original party was suffering from the political crisis, will lose his or her existing popularity. This applies the same to the musicians who changed its major genre from rock to pop music. Fans who liked the rock music of them might stop listening to their music after the change. However, the compromising behavior also presents an opportunity to the failing politicians and musicians as they move toward the trend of the society. The politician could become popular again for new political stance and it is likely that the musician becomes successful thanks to its new songs which were better than people expected.
Likewise, those who compromise do better off than those who stuck to one’s belief. For instance, during the Japanese Colonial Period, many pro-Japanese people in Korea could escape from their violence and earn a decent job and money. However, those who keep refusing to the subjugation to the Japanese power, they lost all of their jobs and could not make a success while they are alive. In addition, social activists in the authoritarian government, they had to face severe oppression by the authority. Many people are tortured and die in jail. Therefore, in an unjust society, it can be more harmful to adhere to one’s belief than compromising it.
To sum up, keeping one’s belief is an admirable stance for people, but it is more likely to be harmful to its life when the majority or the powerful is against the belief. Therefore, it is less harmful to compromise one’s belief in the society.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
1. Those topic sentences are not for argument, but for examples, like: 'compromising one’s belief can bring a huge damage to some people who need people’s support.'
Topic sentences are more general to cover all situations. or we can think topic sentences == advantages, like:
compromising one’s belief can save time.
compromising one’s belief can make money.
compromising one’s belief can make more friends.
.....
-----------------
2. most of the content are examples. need more arguments. and the examples are used to support the arguments. the correct pattern is like this:
paragraph 2: reason 1 + why reason 1 + example of reason 1 + a small conclusion (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1).
paragraph 3: reason 2 + why reason 2 + example of reason 2 + a small conclusion (like advantages of reason 2 or comparisons if not reason 2).
paragraph 4:...
here reason 1 and reason 2 are topic sentences.
----------------------
read one sample:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-issue-task-essays/it-more-harmful-compro…
----------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 330 350
No. of Characters: 1612 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.262 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.885 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.602 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 113 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 80 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.412 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.212 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.324 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.508 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.098 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 55, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[3]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'huge damage'.
Suggestion: huge damage
...ompromising one's belief can bring a huge damage to some people who need people's s...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, likewise, so, therefore, well, while, for instance, in addition, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.5258426966 82% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.4196629213 81% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 14.8657303371 67% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 11.3162921348 106% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 33.0505617978 82% => OK
Preposition: 40.0 58.6224719101 68% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 12.9106741573 77% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1711.0 2235.4752809 77% => OK
No of words: 330.0 442.535393258 75% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.18484848485 5.05705443957 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.26214759535 4.55969084622 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84568043767 2.79657885939 102% => OK
Unique words: 176.0 215.323595506 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.533333333333 0.4932671777 108% => OK
syllable_count: 547.2 704.065955056 78% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59117977528 107% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 6.24550561798 128% => OK
Article: 3.0 4.99550561798 60% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 3.10617977528 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.38483146067 91% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.2370786517 84% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 19.0 23.0359550562 82% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.6355621453 60.3974514979 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.647058824 118.986275619 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.4117647059 23.4991977007 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.76470588235 5.21951772744 110% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 10.2758426966 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 5.13820224719 175% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.83258426966 62% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.418740908029 0.243740707755 172% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.148149758686 0.0831039109588 178% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.16831954589 0.0758088955206 222% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.304160609841 0.150359130593 202% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.114676592425 0.0667264976115 172% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 14.1392134831 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 48.8420337079 90% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.1743820225 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.76 12.1639044944 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.22 8.38706741573 98% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 100.480337079 76% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 11.8971910112 88% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.2143820225 86% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.7820224719 110% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.