Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?

Essay topics:

Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?

Consuming savory snacks, drinking too much alcoholic beverage, overeating fatty foods are scientifically adverse health effect. These bad behaviors done by most western countries reap much negative arguments by some medical practitioners. In some ways, however, criticizing of these acts are believed wrong.

To start with, everybody knows that our body needs good nutrition. Consuming unhealthy foods like fatty foods, however, would impair our health. These facts occasionally happen in Germany where they have drinking habit. Drinking alcohol with higher percentage would impose some serious illnesses, such as: liver and pancreas cancer, damaging our brain function (like diminishing our memory), and many disastrous side effects posed by alcohol. This is similarly happened in other western countries who regularly indulge in taking too much greasy and salty meals in which would deliberately cause obesity and stroke.

On the other hand, for those people who criticize these bad habits have been thought breaking the rights in selecting and consuming foods. It is obviously true, because we are consciously taking much control of ourselves in diet. Moreover, our government has already appealed by some media to limit drinking alcohol while driving a car. In addition, we must acknowledge that particular countries have their own traditions like Oktoberfest in Germany. No one can prohibit them in consuming beer while they commemorate this event, though the fact that the number of accident increase after celebrating this tradition.

To conclude, criticizing for those things people take are wrong unless they ask us to give some advises and obviously are reasonable. Otherwise, it is their own responsibility restraining themselves in consuming unhealthy foods.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)

Comments

are scientifically adverse health effect.
are scientifically adverse health effects.

criticizing of these acts are believed wrong.
criticizing ... is believed wrong.

regularly indulge in taking too much greasy and salty meals in which would deliberately cause obesity and stroke.
regularly indulge in taking too much greasy and salty meals by which it would deliberately cause obesity and stroke.

criticizing for those things people take are wrong
criticizing ...is wrong

they ask us to give some advises and obviously are reasonable.
they ask us to give some advises which obviously are reasonable.

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2

Still you have grammar issues.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 266 350
No. of Characters: 1467 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.039 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.515 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.711 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 110 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.733 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.506 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.32 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.519 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.081 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Thank you sir,

How about these sentences?
1. Criticizing of these acts which make people upset because they cannot eat fat foods which are found on meat is believed wrong.
(- "make" as a verb belongs to "which", and "which" belongs to "acts".

- "is" refers to "criticizing")

2. The number of people who are vegetarian rises significantly.
("are" as a verb of "who", and "who" belongs to people)

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Referring to you comment, it means that:
"though the fact that the number of accident increase after celebrating this tradition.." ==> is grammatically incorrect.

Then it should have been like this:
"though the fact that the number of accidents increases after celebrating this tradition.." (because "increases" on this context as a present simple and belongs to "number").

*CMIIW

Sometimes these grammar errors make me confused. Sorry if I always create the same errors. Thanks