In today’s society, media are likely to report the news on celebrities and they often focus on the wealth or glamour of these celebrities. Given this, some people think that these types of news might cause a bad effect on young people. They would say that they can provide the wrong motivation to children if they ignore what the celebrities achieve to obtain their wealth or attraction. However, in my opinion, the bad effects due to these types of media coverage are limited and the overall advantages can outweigh the disadvantages that the opponents insist. In the following analysis, I would like to provide some evidence to support my position.
In the first place, the dream to be richer or more attractive is quite strong motivation for children to make efforts. While this types of dreams tend to be regarded as “ill-motivated”, some psychological researches implemented in Japan have shown that the test score of people who are promised to be given 10,000 JPY if they achieve their goal was significantly higher than the people without any monetary incentives. Considering this fact, we should be aware that the monetary incentive is one of the most powerful driving force to make people unleash their potential. Therefore, if celebrities become more famous for their wealth or glamour, it can induce significant efforts among young people.
Admittedly, we should not forget that all the celebrities made efforts and achieve their goals to get current position in society. It should be a problem if the media make children think that these celebrities can earn a lot of money without any effort. In this regard, I strongly believe that how to report these celebrities is really crucial. However, as long as the way of media coverage is well thought, the bad effects should be ignorable.
In a nutshell. while some people insist that celebrities should be famous for their achievement and not for their wealth, I strongly believe that this does not always have a negative impact on the children. We should notify the importance of “practical” incentives.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 126, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...ion for children to make efforts. While this types of dreams tend to be regarded as ...
^^^^
Line 7, column 16, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: While
... should be ignorable. In a nutshell. while some people insist that celebrities sho...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, really, so, therefore, well, while, in my opinion, in the first place
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 13.1623246493 114% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 7.85571142285 165% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 10.4138276553 77% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 7.30460921844 151% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 24.0651302605 175% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 39.0 41.998997996 93% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.3376753507 96% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1757.0 1615.20841683 109% => OK
No of words: 343.0 315.596192385 109% => OK
Chars per words: 5.12244897959 5.12529762239 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.30351707066 4.20363070211 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.04950136234 2.80592935109 109% => OK
Unique words: 171.0 176.041082164 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.498542274052 0.561755894193 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 549.9 506.74238477 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 5.43587174349 166% => OK
Article: 3.0 2.52805611222 119% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.10420841683 190% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 0.809619238477 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.76152304609 147% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 16.0721442886 100% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.2975951904 103% => OK
Sentence length SD: 62.0754329425 49.4020404114 126% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.8125 106.682146367 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.4375 20.7667163134 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.5625 7.06120827912 79% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.01903807615 40% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.67935871743 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.9879759519 100% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 3.4128256513 29% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.254312918832 0.244688304435 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.086507826317 0.084324248473 103% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0910673087011 0.0667982634062 136% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.168110577132 0.151304729494 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.056496121741 0.056905535591 99% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 13.0946893788 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 50.2224549098 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 11.3001002004 102% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.42 12.4159519038 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.27 8.58950901804 96% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 78.4519038076 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 9.78957915832 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.1190380762 103% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.7795591182 111% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 73.0337078652 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.