There is currently a contentious argument over whether the retirement age of workers needs to increase noticeably when the life expectancy of people has expanded in modern times. I totally agree with this opinion because of the status of the global population and the insurance of fluxing and independent financial resources for older people.
On the one hand, the main reason why I believe the working age needs to increase is because the number of humans around the world has plunged dramatically. More specifically, according to WHO reports, many states, such as Korea, Japan, China, and so on, have announced that the total number of their residents is on the steady tumble, and the problem leads to the hazard of human extinction and the disaster of the economy. For example, on a small island in Korea, there are 2000 people who have been living, and from 2005 to 2015, the elementary school at the place received approximately 100–150 students per year; however, in 2023, the number of new learners was only 5 for grade 1, and the headmaster of the school did not celebrate the first day of school ceremony in this year. Moreover, the government is forced to report that if the situation continues for a long time, the human resources will not supply enough for the companies and the needs of the nation’s development in the near future. As a result, if people retire early and do not adopt new policies for old-age pensioners, the risk of a lack of manpower can lead to a crisis in the economy for the state. After all, increasing the working age is the optimal choice to maintain the financial level of the states where the number of citizens has been decreasing.
On the other hand, another reason why I support the notion is due to the fact that the stability of income and the independence of older people’s financial status will be more positive than when the working time is longer. To be more precise, many people who work for jobs related to the economy, such as laborers and farmers, do not receive pensions from the state like paper workers; their financial status will also be unstable, and they cannot even afford their routine activities. As a result, although older people have good conditional health to work, they still need to have some economic support from their sons or relatives, and they are unintentionally becoming a financial burden for their children and their government because of the retirement policy. Therefore, increasing the age of workers is helping both the crisis of lacking HR in the near future and the economy of whole states.
In conclusion, I completely agree that when social development makes the conditional health of people improve, the working time of humans needs to be longer than in the past because of the status of the population and the stability of incoming finance’s older humans. Given this situation, it seems that if the health of humans improved and they lived longer, people would need to work more, which would be good for both their social situation and themselves.
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flaws:
No. of Words: 520 350
examples are too long
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 520 350
No. of Characters: 2461 1500
No. of Different Words: 243 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.775 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.733 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.521 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 179 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 117 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 37.143 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.94 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.786 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.371 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.563 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.066 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5