One of the consequences of improved medical care is that the people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.
Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
one year ago, I met my friend’s mentor - Vu duc thinh. he was one of the most influential people that I have met. he was a student in BKU which is a top university in Vietnam. By nonstop trying for his goals and improving himself every single day, he studied abroad in Italy and traveled to 23 Europe Countries. he works for a big company that his salary was extremely well-paid.
Okay! I stop to introduce him more. The main state is he said the more money you had, the more value you created for another. Therefore, he gave me an example by asking me:
If you are a waitress, how much is your income? he suddenly asked me this question.
Yes, I was. it was about $1 per hour! I said it constantly because I was a waitress in a coffee shop.
And can you guess how much money does an English tutor earns in one hour? he asked me again.
Hmm, I guess $2.5, right? I was curious that how much he could earn.
Nope, it’s $8 in my case! His voice was insisted.
Really? I didn’t think it was that much. I was kind of suspected.
you know why is it different? because the more value you create for another, the more money you could get.
I first knew this state from duc thinh, but I had never considered it for one second. Following the Law of Attraction, If I didn’t think of creating more value for people surrounding me, I could not do that. So after meeting him, my life didn’t change at all.
Nine months later, I have started to sell finished foods which were imported from Malaysia and Singapore used with hot pot. my aim was a little profit but sell a huge quantity. but I soon realized it is not a job that creates a lot of value for customers. Now I said that, but I will continue to sell it in a long-term period and make it become my side job. my aim gradually becomes a sales agency. I create customers’ value by helping them to earn income. my work is gonna be simple. I will purchase products from suppliers at an extremely cheap price, then my wholesalers buy it from me periodically and sell it for other customers. I get $10 per box from wholesalers .
Repetitively, I get a stable $1000 per month from them. that is how I create my customers’ value.
I do one more job is a copywriter which makes me earn $800 per month. At the end of 2020, I saved in my account 50.000.000 VND.
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- One of the consequences of improved medical care is that the people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your 56
Grammar and spelling errors:
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Suggestion: One
one year ago, I met my friend’s mentor - Vu...
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... met my friend’s mentor - Vu duc thinh. he was one of the most influential people ...
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...ost influential people that I have met. he was a student in BKU which is a top uni...
^^
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...ly and traveled to 23 Europe Countries. he works for a big company that his salary...
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...re a waitress, how much is your income? he suddenly asked me this question. Yes,...
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...y asked me this question. Yes, I was. it was about per hour! I said it constant...
^^
Line 6, column 25, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...his question. Yes, I was. it was about per hour! I said it constantly because I...
^^
Line 7, column 56, Rule ID: DOES_NP_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'earn'?
Suggestion: earn
...ss how much money does an English tutor earns in one hour? he asked me again. Hmm, I...
^^^^^
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...oes an English tutor earns in one hour? he asked me again. Hmm, I guess .5, right...
^^
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Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...that how much he could earn. Nope, it’s in my case! His voice was insisted. Rea...
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...as that much. I was kind of suspected. you know why is it different? because the m...
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...spected. you know why is it different? because the more value you create for another, ...
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...laysia and Singapore used with hot pot. my aim was a little profit but sell a huge...
^^
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...little profit but sell a huge quantity. but I soon realized it is not a job that cr...
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... period and make it become my side job. my aim gradually becomes a sales agency. I...
^^
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...’ value by helping them to earn income. my work is gonna be simple. I will purchas...
^^
Line 15, column 668, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
...tomers. I get 0 per box from wholesalers . Repetitively, I get a stable 000 pe...
^^
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Suggestion: That
...I get a stable 000 per month from them. that is how I create my customers’ value. ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, really, second, so, then, therefore, well, i guess, kind of, you know
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 13.1623246493 167% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 7.85571142285 76% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 10.4138276553 96% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 7.30460921844 151% => OK
Pronoun: 88.0 24.0651302605 366% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 34.0 41.998997996 81% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 8.3376753507 24% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1879.0 1615.20841683 116% => OK
No of words: 437.0 315.596192385 138% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.29977116705 5.12529762239 84% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57214883401 4.20363070211 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.49178995509 2.80592935109 89% => OK
Unique words: 237.0 176.041082164 135% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.54233409611 0.561755894193 97% => OK
syllable_count: 573.3 506.74238477 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.3 1.60771543086 81% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 33.0 5.43587174349 607% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 2.52805611222 119% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.10420841683 143% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 0.809619238477 494% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.76152304609 42% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 36.0 16.0721442886 224% => Too many sentences.
Sentence length: 12.0 20.2975951904 59% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 33.4139187935 49.4020404114 68% => OK
Chars per sentence: 52.1944444444 106.682146367 49% => More chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 12.1388888889 20.7667163134 58% => More words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 2.36111111111 7.06120827912 33% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 13.0 4.38176352705 297% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 18.0 5.01903807615 359% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.67935871743 161% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.9879759519 50% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 20.0 3.4128256513 586% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.12969533234 0.244688304435 53% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0306917209747 0.084324248473 36% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0335347948962 0.0667982634062 50% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.050799766922 0.151304729494 34% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0428051427402 0.056905535591 75% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 4.9 13.0946893788 37% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 84.68 50.2224549098 169% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.44779559118 42% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 4.4 11.3001002004 39% => Flesch kincaid grade is low.
coleman_liau_index: 6.77 12.4159519038 55% => Coleman_liau_index is low.
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.01 8.58950901804 82% => OK
difficult_words: 77.0 78.4519038076 98% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 5.5 9.78957915832 56% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 6.8 10.1190380762 67% => OK
text_standard: 7.0 10.7795591182 65% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum five paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 56.1797752809 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.