15. A primary (elementary) school is considering increasing the amount of time it spends educating its young students about technology (for example, computers). To do so, it would decrease the amount of time it spends educating the students about music and art. Do you agree with the idea of young students (ages 5-11) spending less time in school learning about music and art in order to spend more time learning about technology? Why or why not?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Be sure to use your own words. Do not use memorized examples.
Technology, the most significant knowledge in modern society, shapes the world. It is being debated about whether it is a good idea for elementary school students to spend more of their time on studying technology and, at the same time, cut down the time for music and art courses. Personally, I am highly convinced that it is an excellent choice for primary students to select technology for major study.
First, more interests in technology, deriving from taking more classes, may help children shape their prospect for future occupation in scientific areas. After taking more classes, students can learn more details about the subject areas in science like what kind of intention scientist used to have to create such an area of science, what we can get from studying the particular area, how we can make efforts to master in the area. In this case, it is much more likely that students will expect themselves to make some achievements in the particular area because they have got their own reasons to decide to love this area. In this case, they may be more excited about the scientific area that is introduced more in class. As a result, students are, at that time, inclined to make something out of everything in the subject in their future due to the fact that they have shape their own values and love on the subject with time spent in primary school.
Second, the improvement in logics gained from studying technology may help students solve upcoming problems more easily. When studying technology, students are likely to use their brains more often to make sure whether the solution to the question is the most efficient one, how they can do to find a better one, and how the betterment can be made based on the previous conclusion. In such a study environment, students may turn to be cleverer on solving complicated logics because they, in the process of getting education in class, have developed their brains and minds. Once students are more logical, they can easily achieve certain things that used to be difficult to them in the future, like how much they are going to spend in a market to gain most or at what time they decide to make efforts may make the whole things work on well most.
In brief, I am highly convinced that it is a good idea to include more technological courses than arts courses in elementary school due to the fact that students can be prospective about their future possible occupation in science-related areas and that students can make betterment on their own brains to solve more challenging difficulties in the future.
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, if, may, second, so, well, in brief, kind of, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 15.1003584229 113% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 9.8082437276 143% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 13.8261648746 51% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.0286738351 91% => OK
Pronoun: 40.0 43.0788530466 93% => OK
Preposition: 71.0 52.1666666667 136% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 8.0752688172 161% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2140.0 1977.66487455 108% => OK
No of words: 442.0 407.700716846 108% => OK
Chars per words: 4.84162895928 4.8611393121 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.58517132086 4.48103885553 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.57918254346 2.67179642975 97% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 212.727598566 93% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.447963800905 0.524837075471 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 672.3 618.680645161 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 9.59856630824 63% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.94265232975 182% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 20.6003584229 63% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 34.0 20.1344086022 169% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 78.1044665324 48.9658058833 160% => OK
Chars per sentence: 164.615384615 100.406767564 164% => OK
Words per sentence: 34.0 20.6045352989 165% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.92307692308 5.45110844103 90% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.5376344086 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 3.85842293907 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.88709677419 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.195054768875 0.236089414692 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.084660734183 0.076458572812 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0807908550041 0.0737576698707 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.154648517909 0.150856017488 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0935306367669 0.0645574589148 145% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.4 11.7677419355 156% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.43 58.1214874552 78% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.4 10.1575268817 152% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.38 10.9000537634 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.11 8.01818996416 101% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 86.8835125448 90% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 10.002688172 115% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.6 10.0537634409 155% => OK
text_standard: 16.0 10.247311828 156% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 71.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.5 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.