A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose?

Essay topics:

A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose?

The argument above asserts the difficult situation between choosing to support the arts or protecting the environment. With regards to this assertion, one crucial matter remains unanswered and merits more attention that how can we do not consider the environment? That having been considered, I however adhere to this belief that our environment is more important to protect than support the arts for the reasons will be illustrated at length in the subsequent paragraph.

First and foremost, the crux of the matter lies in the fact that pollution from cars and factories can threaten the health of 2 millions people around the world. In addition, pollution can cause harmful for our environment. In simple terms, any kind of pollution such as air pollution or water pollution can destroy the environment. The best example is air pollution which produce by old cars and chemical factories. Also this kind of pollution can reduce the ozone layer. The best solution for solving this issue is changing the place of factories from downtown to beyond the city. However, the standard of producing cars is increasing everyday, we should obstruct to manufacture the old cars in our country (Iran). Thus, it goes without saying that pollution can demolish the environment. The company should use financial support to protect the environment.

Aside from decreasing the pollution with controlling the standard of car production, we cannot loose our sight on the fact that ecosystem is in real danger. Trees, plants life and animal life all depend on each other. We should control the pollution which can affect on whole living things. To put it in apposite words, ecosystem needs fresh air to be alive. For the purpose of the illustration, let’s take the example of some species plant life which use in medical science. We should ensure that there is control on the amount of pollution. Also humans should protect some plants which are food for animals. therefore, as is clear ecosystem is one of the most important issue that cause to protect the environment.

By way of conclusion, the environment need protection. The company should use enough money to decrease air pollution, water pollution and every thing that is harmful for the environment.

Votes
Average: 9 (3 votes)
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Comments

how can we do not consider the environment?
how can we not consider the environment?

support the arts for the reasons will be illustrated at length in the subsequent paragraph.
support the arts for the reasons which will be illustrated in the subsequent paragraphs.

pollution can cause harmful for our environment.
pollution can be harmful for our environment.

air pollution which produce by old cars
air pollution which is produced by old cars

we cannot loose our sight
we cannot lose our sight

plant life which use in medical science.
plant life which is used in medical science.

Sentence: First and foremost, the crux of the matter lies in the fact that pollution from cars and factories can threaten the health of 2 millions people around the world.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to millions and people

Sentence: Trees, plants life and animal life all depend on each other.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to plants and life

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 367 350
No. of Characters: 1830 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.377 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.986 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.602 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.476 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.32 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.381 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.327 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.485 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.113 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

1. There are grammatical issues. Read a good grammar book. You may read this one: http://testbig.com/question/grammar

2. Don't rush to write some complicated sentences. Start with simpler sentences but make them grammatically correct.

3. Remove those pattern sentences. Slowly need to have your own styles.

4. Read some English magazines, newspapers, blogs...

5. Listen to radios like VOA, BBC, Watch TVs like CNN

6. and finally try this pattern for TOEFL essays:

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Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)

Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First

Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...

Para 5: Conclusion.
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An simple example (Eating at home or restaurant) for paragraph 2:
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence: Eating at home can save money) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences: I can prepare cheaper food from food market; I don't need to drive or take a bus to reach the restaurant; I don't need to pay tips...) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentence: for example, a sandwich can cost me $10 at restaurant, but it only cost me $5 at home.) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences: with the money I saved, I can buy a good book to read; I can use the money for a trip...).

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