Please check my essay. I'm in a desperate need of being checked. Thank you in advance.
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the statement: people buy things not because of need but because others also buy them.
The world has changed significantly since the explosion of the Information Revolution. Most of the traditional values are on the edge of collapse including the way people buying product. Tied with the convenience supported by the internet, the behavior of buying has reached to a new level. I do believe that buying a goods due to its core application is no longer a true purpose.
In the first place, customers consider a product not only by its true value but also by numerous aspects. In fact, the rise of information has impacted on marketing. It is not simply a pure market as the past in which only customers and manufacturers could be able to balance the demand-supply relationship. In fact, the new era of the internet allows the commercial advertisements to spread to every corners of the known world. It becomes easy than ever before for the business to approach their potential targets. A series of social network like facebook, twitter, or instagram play an important role as a bridge connecting two sides of demand and supply. Moreover, such kinds of social network did collect our behaviors, interests, or even worse our income level then sell this information to the manufactures. Indeed, we are nothing but the victim trapped inside a gigantic cell of shopping fever. Therefore, the products we decide to buy are actually the results of the information we leaked unexpectedly. Equally is the fact that the combination of manufactures and social network is a perfect trap to charm us to buy the product that have nothing to do with our needs.
On the other hand, we are influenced by others’ behavior. Indeed, human always decide based on the majority. Inevitably, we are being influenced by our idols or celebrities. It is a wise policy to choose the celebrities as the representatives. For example, Adidas has chosen Ronaldo as its avatar. Then a series of image relating to Adidas appearing daily on his million-follower Instagram are exaggerating the core value of this product. As a result, thousands of teenagers who consider Ronaldo as their idol are contributing to Adidas’s daily revenue. Even if they simply need a $30-shoes to play soccer, they still extravagance hundreds of dollars on a brand one. It is one of thousands prime examples to prove that we are actually buying what we are not in urgent need of.
In conclusion, buying goods based on our purposes is the story of previous century. “Living on the fast lane” like the 21st century has trapped customer in an enormous cell of shopping based on manufactures’ wills, or even more simple, buying the products that are not relative to our needs.
~30ph - 445 words~
No revised
The world has changed
The world has changed significantly since the explosion of the Information Revolution. Most of the traditional values are on the edge of collapse including the way people buying product. Tied with the emerging convenience supported by the internet, the behavior of shopping has reached to a new level. I do believe that buying a commodity due to its core application is no longer a true purpose.
In the first place, customers consider a product not only by its true value but also by numerous aspects. In fact, the explosion of information has impacted on marketing. It is not simply a pure market as it was in which only customers and manufacturers could be able to balance the supply-demand relationship. In fact, the new era of the internet facilitated the commercial advertisements to spread to every corners of the known world. It becomes easy than ever before for the businesses to approach their potential targets. A series of social network like Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram play an important role as a bridge connecting two sides of supply and demand. Moreover, such kinds of social network did collect our behaviors, interests, or even worse our income level then sold this information to the manufactures. Indeed, we are nothing but the victims trapped inside a gigantic cell of shopping fever. Therefore, the products we decide to buy are actually the results of the information we leaked carelessly. Equally is the fact that the combination of manufactures and social network is a perfect trap to charm us into buying its own products, which have nothing to do with our needs.
On the other hand, we are influenced by others’ behavior. Basically, human formed by herd mentality, individuals imitate other group members of higher social status in their consumer behavior. Hence, we are Inevitably influenced by our idols or celebrities. It is a wise policy for the famous brands to choose the celebrities as their brand ambassadors. For example, Adidas has chosen Ronaldo as its representatives. Afterwards, a series of image relating to Adidas appear daily on his million-follower Instagram and then exaggerate the core value of this product. As a result, thousands of teenagers who consider Ronaldo their idol are contributing to Adidas’s daily revenue. Even if they simply need a $30-shoes to play soccer, they are willing to squander hundreds of dollars on a brand one. It is one of thousands prime examples to prove that we are actually buying what we are not in urgent need of.
In conclusion, buying commodity based on our demands is the story of previous century. The style of “living on the fast lane” in 21st century has trapped customer in an enormous cell of shopping which served manufactures’ revenues. I have no doubt to declare that we are spending money on the products which are not relative to our needs.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 24, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: I'm
Please check my essay. Im in a desperate need of being checked. T...
^^
Line 7, column 88, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...t not only by its true value but also by numerous aspects. In fact, the rise of i...
^^
Line 7, column 1013, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Equally,
...the information we leaked unexpectedly. Equally is the fact that the combination of man...
^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 8, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ds. ~30ph - 445 words~ No revised
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 18, Rule ID: NOW[1]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: Now
... ~30ph - 445 words~ No revised
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, if, moreover, so, still, then, therefore, for example, in conclusion, in fact, as a result, in the first place, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 9.8082437276 51% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 13.8261648746 80% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.0286738351 63% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 38.0 43.0788530466 88% => OK
Preposition: 72.0 52.1666666667 138% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2444.0 1977.66487455 124% => OK
No of words: 488.0 407.700716846 120% => OK
Chars per words: 5.00819672131 4.8611393121 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70007681154 4.48103885553 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.99790618674 2.67179642975 112% => OK
Unique words: 259.0 212.727598566 122% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.530737704918 0.524837075471 101% => OK
syllable_count: 768.6 618.680645161 124% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 6.0 3.08781362007 194% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 20.6003584229 146% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.1344086022 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.9119826724 48.9658058833 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 81.4666666667 100.406767564 81% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.2666666667 20.6045352989 79% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.23333333333 5.45110844103 96% => OK
Paragraphs: 8.0 4.53405017921 176% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 11.8709677419 101% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 3.85842293907 233% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.88709677419 184% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.2981578881 0.236089414692 126% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0663345521277 0.076458572812 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.170672520546 0.0737576698707 231% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.175663152512 0.150856017488 116% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.298727048723 0.0645574589148 463% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.3 11.7677419355 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.24 58.1214874552 95% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 10.1575268817 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.48 10.9000537634 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.6 8.01818996416 107% => OK
difficult_words: 129.0 86.8835125448 148% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.0 10.002688172 60% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.0537634409 84% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 80.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 24.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.