In modern society, increasingly developed technologies like social media and cell phones that can take pictures are popular with numerous people. With easy access to quantities of information, both reliable and false, our initial desire of gossiping is evoked: we enjoys our chatting about emotional affairs about some celebrities. Consequently, some famous entertainers and hot athletes are gradually losing their personal privacy to some extent. Therefore, in my point of view, people like athletes and entertainers deserve to have more privacy than they have now.
In the first place, as citizens, entertainers and athletes are endowed with right of privacy, which has been dramatically violated by reporters and other ordinary people. Think about the excellent ping pang athlete Ma Long. Imagine that he is planning to enjoy his time in the theater with his wife, while some of his fans recognize him and beg him for his signature and a picture taken with him. How could he obtain his own privacy and accompany his family under such a circumstance? No. In addition, according to a reliable data offered by China Daily, 80% of the famous entertainers and athletes admit that their personal life have been seriously disturbed by their fans and reporters. Therefore, it is obvious that the privacy of many celebrities are threatened, and more privacy is surly deserved for them.
Someone may argue that it is inevitable to pay the price of shrinking privacy for the sake of his or her occupation. They contend that these jobs are more or less involved with the recreation business, the essence of which is entertaining people; that is, less privacy is a side effect of the careers and they should not blame it on anyone. Plausible as that view seems at first glance, after careful examination, we can discover the flaw of the theory with ease. Entertainer and athletes are not necessarily the victim of their fans and journalists. Admittedly, entertaining audience is the content of their work, but it doesn’t lead to the conclusion that they also have to sacrifice their leisure time to their fans and audiences. By no means should we confuse life with work.
To sum it up, the privacy of athletes and entertainers has narrowed down over the past few decades, owing to the accelerating development of modern technology. But we cannot take it for granted because more privacy is a deserved right for every citizen. Therefore, famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than the poor private life they have now.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 265, Rule ID: NON3PRS_VERB[2]
Message: The pronoun 'we' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: 'enjoy'
Suggestion: enjoy
...itial desire of gossiping is evoked: we enjoys our chatting about emotional affairs ab...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, if, may, so, therefore, while, in addition, more or less, in the first place
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 15.1003584229 119% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 9.8082437276 71% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 13.8261648746 159% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 11.0286738351 100% => OK
Pronoun: 49.0 43.0788530466 114% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 52.1666666667 111% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 8.0752688172 111% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2129.0 1977.66487455 108% => OK
No of words: 418.0 407.700716846 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.09330143541 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52162009685 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79588932051 2.67179642975 105% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 212.727598566 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.526315789474 0.524837075471 100% => OK
syllable_count: 690.3 618.680645161 112% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.51630824373 112% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 9.59856630824 52% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.94265232975 202% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.6003584229 92% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 48.1183329015 48.9658058833 98% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.052631579 100.406767564 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0 20.6045352989 107% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.68421052632 5.45110844103 104% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 3.85842293907 181% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.448392296051 0.236089414692 190% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.147883967147 0.076458572812 193% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.208080376193 0.0737576698707 282% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.32182021385 0.150856017488 213% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.149916134812 0.0645574589148 232% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 11.7677419355 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 58.1214874552 70% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 10.1575268817 129% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.24 10.9000537634 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.62 8.01818996416 108% => OK
difficult_words: 103.0 86.8835125448 119% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.002688172 120% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 80.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 24.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.