Students of a university have a long break between university
semesters; the university requires all students to do one of the
following for one month during the break:
1. Students must take a course on the subject that has no direct
connection to their majors of study (For example, a student majoring
in engineering may take course in fine arts or social science.)
2. Students must volunteer to work in the university’s city or their
hometowns to improve some aspects of life of the city or their own
town. (For example, students may help local primary school children
with their homework.) Which one do you think is more beneficial for
students in their university? Why? Give detailed examples and
reasons. Use your OWN words, do NOT use memorized examples
Nowadays, as the technology evolves and creates more and more
different and significant job positions, the features which make a
person qualified for a job differ. However, the one thing that has not
been changed for decades is the need for people who are not only
good in academic parts of a job but also brilliant in the practical
fields. Even you can find some employers who are more focused on
the practical experiences of their employees. So, I personally think it
is much more beneficial for students to volunteer and work in
different places and various job positions rather than just study a
brand-new subject. I will aptly explain my reasons below.
First, let me imply the role of this volunteer practical work in the
experience of a student. Most of the time, when an organization
wants to hire a person, it looks back at the work experience one has
in that special field. Employers often assume that the more
experienced you are, the more qualified you can be for that job. This
matter actually was proved by several studies that scientists carried
out. They play up that people who have some practical experience,
face more and better job offers and of courses, they have a more
successful career. They attribute these outcomes to the experiences
one achieves through handling problems, managing stress and
confronting hard situations in that voluntary work. Let me shed light
on a common process around us to emphasize the importance of this
issue. A lot of companies now have some training programs for the
people whom they are going to hire. The philosophy behind these
training programs is this gaining experience process. Therefore, you
can see how important this factor really is.
As the second reason, I want to point out something which is widely
accepted. It's now impossible to neglect the effect of this internship
on the student’s knowledge. Experiments carried out in the
developed countries vividly show that the things students learn from
these internships are much more useful and of course, they have
learned them better and more deeply. Furthermore, the scientists
explain they have found out that there are numerous things one can
learn from these experiences such as team work, patience, the art
of managing, etc. These features are actually so valuable for the
employers because these factors are directly related to the success
one can have in his line of work. This is exactly why some universities
encourage their students to participate in at least one or two
internships or volunteer jobs along with their studying. I, myself,
majored in mechanical engineering. I couldn't have achieved the
position that I have today in my firm if I hadn't/had I not taken part
in three internships through my university years.
As the last reason, I think it's important to pay attention to the
changes this experience causes on the social life of the students.
Because of the rapid development of technology, some students
somehow (have)got/get detached from their friends and families or
in other words, they got depressed up to different levels. This
voluntary work can really be a positive change for these students, a
change that can cause them to be happy, extroverted and
productive again. I witnessed my closest friend in college going
through this exact procedure. She was depressed due to moving
away from her family and former friends to the city for college. Her
stage of depression was so formidable that her family wanted her
back because they were very worried about her health and mental
condition. But our professors encouraged her to take part in one of
these voluntary works which totally made the tables turn for her.
She got happy and healthy again after a short amount of time.
Therefore, as the aforementioned points cited, the best possible way
to improve your future life is to take part in a voluntary program.
Specially, it is much more beneficial compared to taking academic
courses in different fields. As you can understand, it is highly
recommended not only by me or the universities but also by
scientists to participate in these kind of programs to get the best out
of your youth and build the brightest future for yourself.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 40, column 38, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: couldn't
..., majored in mechanical engineering. I couldnt have achieved the position that I have...
^^^^^^^
Line 41, column 44, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: hadn't
...ition that I have today in my firm if I hadnt/had I not taken part in three internsh...
^^^^^
Line 63, column 30, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this kind' or 'these kinds'?
Suggestion: this kind; these kinds
...t also by scientists to participate in these kind of programs to get the best out of you...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, look, really, second, so, therefore, at least, i think, kind of, of course, such as, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 15.1003584229 166% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 23.0 13.8261648746 166% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 11.0286738351 181% => OK
Pronoun: 87.0 43.0788530466 202% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 88.0 52.1666666667 169% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 8.0752688172 136% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3603.0 1977.66487455 182% => OK
No of words: 704.0 407.700716846 173% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.11789772727 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.1510191538 4.48103885553 115% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73345320944 2.67179642975 102% => OK
Unique words: 345.0 212.727598566 162% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.490056818182 0.524837075471 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1089.0 618.680645161 176% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 25.0 9.59856630824 260% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 10.0 3.08781362007 324% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 7.0 3.51792114695 199% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 12.0 4.94265232975 243% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 34.0 20.6003584229 165% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 46.4455349443 48.9658058833 95% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.970588235 100.406767564 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.7058823529 20.6045352989 100% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.5 5.45110844103 83% => OK
Paragraphs: 64.0 4.53405017921 1412% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 22.0 11.8709677419 185% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.88709677419 143% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.159452861688 0.236089414692 68% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0403786554259 0.076458572812 53% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.040220054291 0.0737576698707 55% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0327833041506 0.150856017488 22% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0438244905691 0.0645574589148 68% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 11.7677419355 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 58.1214874552 103% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.42 10.9000537634 114% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.08 8.01818996416 101% => OK
difficult_words: 154.0 86.8835125448 177% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.