TPO-21 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your ans

There is no shortage of debate whether it is better to have strong relationships or study hard to succeed in a job. As far as I am concerned people should lever themselves with higher-ups in order to get their best in a job rather than kill large amounts of books. I cling to this outlook for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

First of all, having contacts is the best way to cut corners in getting good skills for a job because experienced people always can teach you or give clues about how to do your best in a work environment. To clarify my point, let me take myself as an example, when I get fired in my last job, I did not feel sad nor stressful, due to the fact that I had a bunch of friends surrounded me and willing to help me out, so I decided to ask Julio –a great friend of mine- to give me some pieces of advice on how to be a better worker, and to then introduce myself to some great businesses which may could hire me. As a result of my friend’s help, now I have a great job and my boss is really glad about how I work.

Secondly, It is common knowledge that a person, who has studied a lot, should have a great job. But, It is not in general because I know lots of men, who have studied for around seven years and do not have a great job as mine. It is because meeting people, who can influence you with their mindset, you can know how to be an accurate worker. For instance, my co-worker is a master with three PhDs, but he is not as good as me, he usually asks me work-related questions and help, because he has never experienced a real work atmosphere, so he is associating theory with the real applications. Accordingly, I think that although you study for a long time, you will need to have great friends in order to be a better worker.

To sum up, I strongly believe that people should focus more on getting contacts because those will help them to be better while doing in a job because they will teach important knowledge and make you change your mindset in the best way possible.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 117, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...hips or study hard to succeed in a job. As far as I am concerned people should lev...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
accordingly, but, first, if, look, may, really, second, secondly, so, then, while, for instance, i think, in general, as a result, first of all, to sum up

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 11.0286738351 91% => OK
Pronoun: 55.0 43.0788530466 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 49.0 52.1666666667 94% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 8.0752688172 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1661.0 1977.66487455 84% => OK
No of words: 393.0 407.700716846 96% => OK
Chars per words: 4.22646310433 4.8611393121 87% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45244063426 4.48103885553 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45503430577 2.67179642975 92% => OK
Unique words: 201.0 212.727598566 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.511450381679 0.524837075471 97% => OK
syllable_count: 510.3 618.680645161 82% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.3 1.51630824373 86% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.94265232975 40% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 20.6003584229 58% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 32.0 20.1344086022 159% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 88.4788110228 48.9658058833 181% => OK
Chars per sentence: 138.416666667 100.406767564 138% => OK
Words per sentence: 32.75 20.6045352989 159% => OK
Discourse Markers: 12.8333333333 5.45110844103 235% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 11.8709677419 67% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.162671832991 0.236089414692 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0699505865353 0.076458572812 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.02846543244 0.0737576698707 39% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.10918141815 0.150856017488 72% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0271066683606 0.0645574589148 42% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 11.7677419355 127% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 64.38 58.1214874552 111% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.2 10.1575268817 120% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 7.85 10.9000537634 72% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.51 8.01818996416 94% => OK
difficult_words: 57.0 86.8835125448 66% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 10.002688172 130% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.8 10.0537634409 147% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.