TPO-24 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.Use specific reasons and examples

agree

life is hard and you will have to make money for your needs. learn. I worked highschool as a waitress.

could help expenses and help my family. bought what ı want.

find the exact job ı wanna have in the future. not being an officer. I opened and entertainment company. I enjoy and make money.

Personally, I agree with the statement. I think teenage children should be supported to get a part-time job for some reasons. By working when they are young, they could learn that they will need to make money in the future, help their families to their expenses and facilitate to find exact job that they will want to do in the future.

First of all, life is hard and one day every young man will have to make money for a living. For example, when I was in highschool, my family were willing me to work as a waitress at a cafe that my mother's friend had. At first, I refused their request to be a waitress. I thought that I did not need to work while I was studying at the same time. But the owner of that small cafe called me many times and one day I found myself working there. My family did not pay my expenses while I worked. I had to buy my school uniforms and books that I needed. By doing this, I learned most part of the life is about making money for my own demands that can be between necessary and luxury things.

Next, by working as a teenager, you can help your familiy to save more by spending less for you. For example, while I was working as a waitress, my force me to purchase my needs with the money I make from the cafe. I bought my school uniform and the books that are a must. Fortunately, my family saved money for their holidays. They rented a hotel room right at the sea side and spend seven days. They enjoyed their travel and this made me happy because, they were not able to have a holiday in order to spend their spare money for my extreem needs.

Lastly, taking a part-time job while you are young help me to find the exact job you will want to do in the future. For example, my family wanted me to be a government officer in the future. I found a job as an office assistant at a company. I checked and monitor all the works that they were doing in the office. I realized that being in an office was not good fpr me because I was getting bored to stay too long in a closed place. I would like to start my own business and it should be joyful. With my father's financial support, I opened and entertainment center in a shopping center where kids play games with many of my electronic devices and slot machines. I absolutely like my job and the kids they come everyday.

In conclusion, families should definitely support their kids and allow them to take a part-time job. By doing so, both the kid and family will realize how important to work while you are young to be aware of life and its rules that you have to make money, help his or her parents for their expenses to be welfare and find the best matched job for you with your expectations from life.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Agree
agree life is hard and you will have to ma...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Life
agree life is hard and you will have to make money...
^^^^
Line 3, column 62, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Learn
...will have to make money for your needs. learn. I worked highschool as a waitress. ...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Could
.... I worked highschool as a waitress. could help expenses and help my family. bough...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 41, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Bought
...could help expenses and help my family. bought what ı want. find the exact job ı w...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Find
...help my family. bought what ı want. find the exact job ı wanna have in the futur...
^^^^
Line 7, column 48, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Not
...e exact job ı wanna have in the future. not being an officer. I opened and entertai...
^^^
Line 16, column 52, Rule ID: HELP_TO_FIND[1]
Message: This phrase is probably grammatically incorrect. Write 'help me find' instead.
Suggestion: help me find
...ing a part-time job while you are young help me to find the exact job you will want to do in th...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 16, column 315, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...rks that they were doing in the office. I realized that being in an office was no...
^
Line 16, column 434, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...red to stay too long in a closed place. I would like to start my own business and...
^
Line 16, column 711, Rule ID: EVERYDAY_EVERY_DAY[3]
Message: 'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean 'every day'?
Suggestion: every day
...tely like my job and the kids they come everyday. In conclusion, families should defi...
^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, lastly, so, while, for example, i think, in conclusion, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 15.1003584229 159% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 9.8082437276 173% => OK
Conjunction : 23.0 13.8261648746 166% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 96.0 43.0788530466 223% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 63.0 52.1666666667 121% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2439.0 1977.66487455 123% => OK
No of words: 573.0 407.700716846 141% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.25654450262 4.8611393121 88% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.89258810929 4.48103885553 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.26388117997 2.67179642975 85% => OK
Unique words: 247.0 212.727598566 116% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.431064572426 0.524837075471 82% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 766.8 618.680645161 124% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.3 1.51630824373 86% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 26.0 9.59856630824 271% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 35.0 20.6003584229 170% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.1344086022 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 54.6476953974 48.9658058833 112% => OK
Chars per sentence: 69.6857142857 100.406767564 69% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.3714285714 20.6045352989 79% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.4 5.45110844103 44% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 8.0 4.53405017921 176% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 11.0 5.5376344086 199% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 19.0 11.8709677419 160% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 13.0 4.88709677419 266% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.202889975117 0.236089414692 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0558743971922 0.076458572812 73% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0616738429135 0.0737576698707 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.109880774562 0.150856017488 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0675090247637 0.0645574589148 105% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 6.8 11.7677419355 58% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 80.62 58.1214874552 139% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 6.0 10.1575268817 59% => Flesch kincaid grade is low.
coleman_liau_index: 7.13 10.9000537634 65% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.66 8.01818996416 83% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 86.8835125448 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 3.5 10.002688172 35% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.0537634409 84% => OK
text_standard: 7.0 10.247311828 68% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?

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Write the essay in 30 minutes.

Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.