TPO-40 - Independent Writing Task Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some parents develop a habit to offer money to their kids in exchange for good grades in school. Although it seems like a insentive for children, some people start to quesntion if it behavior is good or not for the young ones. In my point of view, give money in order to obtain high scorers isn't the right way to insentive and teach children how to win money.

First of all, since children does not have much maturity to think by than selves, this habit may stimulates kid to associate good score with money. Due this fact, instead of teaching that achieving academic success is benefict for their future, they are giving them the wrong insentive. For instance, my father used to stimulate me to achieve high grades, by teaching me all the nice things I would obtain by being succeed in life, and that all start in the school.

The second point here, is that parents should teach their kids a positive way of earning money intead of just exchenging for some good action, like having good grades. It is important to children's growth learn how to use their minds in creative ways to earn money. The right insentive will provide a much better development and unsdestand of how the world works, than just give them some bucks. As consequence, the future certainly will be brigher.

To sum up, I think it´s wrong use money to buy good grades. It thoes not help at all neither the kids understanding of the importance of school in their lives nor the right way to win money.

Votes
Average: 6.6 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 121, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...rades in school. Although it seems like a insentive for children, some people sta...
^
Line 1, column 292, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: isn't
...e money in order to obtain high scorers isnt the right way to insentive and teach ch...
^^^^
Line 7, column 139, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...the kids understanding of the importance of school in their lives nor the right w...
^^
Line 7, column 198, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...r lives nor the right way to win money.
^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, if, may, second, so, for instance, i think, first of all, to sum up

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 7.0 15.1003584229 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 9.8082437276 51% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 13.8261648746 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 3.0 11.0286738351 27% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 43.0788530466 56% => OK
Preposition: 41.0 52.1666666667 79% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 8.0752688172 62% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1220.0 1977.66487455 62% => OK
No of words: 265.0 407.700716846 65% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.60377358491 4.8611393121 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.03470204552 4.48103885553 90% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.32424649113 2.67179642975 87% => OK
Unique words: 147.0 212.727598566 69% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.554716981132 0.524837075471 106% => OK
syllable_count: 362.7 618.680645161 59% => syllable counts are too short.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 9.59856630824 63% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 20.6003584229 58% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 20.1344086022 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 36.2820739331 48.9658058833 74% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.666666667 100.406767564 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0833333333 20.6045352989 107% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.16666666667 5.45110844103 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.5376344086 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.88709677419 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.265234549161 0.236089414692 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.106528537344 0.076458572812 139% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0736013170986 0.0737576698707 100% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.173428691006 0.150856017488 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0489461344231 0.0645574589148 76% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 11.7677419355 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 66.07 58.1214874552 114% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 10.1575268817 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.4 10.9000537634 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.41 8.01818996416 92% => OK
difficult_words: 45.0 86.8835125448 52% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 10.002688172 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.0537634409 107% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.247311828 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

More content wanted.

Rates: 66.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 20.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.