TPO 40: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It is generally believed that by studying well children open the doors to a successful future, and, therefore, parents should do all the necessary to provide that education to their kids. However, personally, I am prone to believe that paying money for good grades is not the right way to motivate kids learning properly. I hold this opinion since money is a wrong incentive for youngsters; and it will make kids think that they study only for receiving money.
To begin with, education is a process that gives not only knowledge and skills, but it also develops values in children. These values are the core elements of thoughts and behavior of any child since they determine the way kids think and what they do. In this sense it is definitely a wrong way to teach children that the only success in life is money. For example, when I was a kid and was doing well in the school my parents were taking me to special places like live performances, pizza restaurants, and so on, where we could spend time all together and have fun. By doing so they were stressing out that they love me and are proud for my successes at school, and, therefore, I grew up with the values, according to which, things like family and love are the most important ones in our lives. So, if we want to bring up our children with correct values, we should not teach them that the price of hardworking and studying well is the money.
Additionally, money may make children believe that their goal in the life is earning money. This approach will probably lead them to the idea that education is needed for only buying goods and services they want to. Meanwhile, children should be brought up with the belief that education is necessary for helping other people, making the world better, contributing to peace all over the world. For instance, kids in South Africa are taught by the UN experts in their schools that money is not the goal of the life; it is a means to help people. As to the education it is considered as a form of guaranteeing peace on the continent. Thus, children should never think that money is the aim of studying and doing well at school.
To sum up briefly, money is not the thing for what our children should study for. Its explanation is twofold: first, there are better incentives for learning well and, second, kids should realize that money is not a goal, it is a means.

Votes
Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 462, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...at they study only for receiving money. To begin with, education is a process th...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, briefly, but, first, however, if, may, second, so, therefore, thus, well, while, as to, for example, for instance, to begin with, to sum up

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 15.1003584229 185% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 13.8261648746 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 11.0286738351 154% => OK
Pronoun: 51.0 43.0788530466 118% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 52.1666666667 100% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1949.0 1977.66487455 99% => OK
No of words: 427.0 407.700716846 105% => OK
Chars per words: 4.5644028103 4.8611393121 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54576487731 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.43407671871 2.67179642975 91% => OK
Unique words: 208.0 212.727598566 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.487119437939 0.524837075471 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 587.7 618.680645161 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 9.59856630824 104% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 20.1344086022 124% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 42.2844216981 48.9658058833 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.647058824 100.406767564 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.1176470588 20.6045352989 122% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.52941176471 5.45110844103 156% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 11.8709677419 118% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.241410301049 0.236089414692 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.087729211948 0.076458572812 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0454702168811 0.0737576698707 62% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.160789632869 0.150856017488 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0424782368669 0.0645574589148 66% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.6 11.7677419355 107% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 63.02 58.1214874552 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 10.1575268817 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.46 10.9000537634 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.47 8.01818996416 93% => OK
difficult_words: 70.0 86.8835125448 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.0537634409 119% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.