You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business Which would you choose to buy

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You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy?

Money is important factor in our life because we can't have good life without money. So it is more important to know how to spend our money. Many people prefer to buy a house with enough money, some prefer a business. However, when it comes to me, I like business rather than a house for two main reasons, and if one considers the following reasons, he/she may agree with me.

First, if you have a business, you can make more money. I mean, if you buy a house you can not use your money any more, but if you choose a business you can make money even more than you had spend on it. For example, my friend John earned a lot of money from his father. Many people in his family suggested him to buy a house, but he preferred to purchase a business. He started a small shoe making factory. Buying first material with cheap price, he could profit good money after making shoes and selling them in higher price. After just one year, he could buy a big house with the money that he made from shoe factory. And now that three years passes that time, he has a BMW too. If he bought a house, he could not have this factory and car today. As you can see, purchasing a business can make you more money than you can imagine.

Another reason is that with purchasing a business, you can create more jobs in society. Every business needs some employee to do the works and managements. For example, when John wanted to start his shoe factory, asked me to help him to making shoes. I was a shoe maker and had no job. So I accepted his offer to work for him. As the work continued, we feel to need bigger space and more employees, so john hired more people in his factory and many people get new jobs with good money. As you can see, a business can create many jobs and save people from unemployment.

In sum up, I prefer to purchase a business instead of buying a house. Purchasing a business not only makes you more money, but also creates more jobs for other people. If you have enough money, I suggest you to invest on a business, you would not be regret.

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Average: 8.1 (19 votes)
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Money is important factor
Money is an important factor

from shoe factory.
from the shoe factory.

some employee to do the works
some employees to do the works

you would not be regret.
you would not regret.

Sentence: I mean, if you buy a house you can not use your money any more, but if you choose a business you can make money even more than you had spend on it.
Description: A verb 'to have', past tense is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to had and spend

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 391 350
No. of Characters: 1597 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.447 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.084 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.047 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 85 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 50 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 30 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 13 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.292 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.439 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.542 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.355 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.487 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.29 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5