TOEFL integrated writing: Altruism.

According to the lecture, a certain member of the group that seems to be demonstrating an altruistic behavior may have its own reasons to show such behavior and those reasons may not be completely altruistic. For example, the speaker in the lecture suggests that the Sentinel meerkat usuaaly is the first one to eat the food within the group before it stands as a guard. As a result, it shows that it ensures its own survival before the group. Secondly, when it stands as a guard with a full stomach to observe any possible predator approaching it usually stands close to a burrow or hole from where he can run and escape to in case a predator attacks. Also, the Sentinel guard being the first one to observe the on coming danger of a predator approaching has an advantage of saving itself first. As soon as the Sentinel meerkat sees a danger it makes a specific sound to alarm everyone else and then runs to its hole which is close to its standing guard location.
Further, the alarm made by the Sentinel meerkat may either make the other members of the group to come together or run separately towards there safe places from where they could be a little farther away than the Sentinel meerkat. In both the situations in which the group members are either agreegating or running away may cause the predator to shift attention towards them instead of the Sentinel meerkat. This may in turn save the Sentinel meerkat as by getting the attention of the predator shifted towards the group may save the sentinel meerkat from being hunted.
All the above examples are in contrast to the ones given in the passage. As in the passage it is said that the Atruism is a type of behavior in which an animal sacrifices its own interest for that of another animal or group of animals. It mentions that altruism is the opposite of selfishness and individuals that perform altruistic acts gain nothing for themselves. On the other hand, the speaker in the lecture says that even the people that donate their organ to their family member or strangers gets rewarded by getting more praise and more recongnition in the society as compared to others and thus gain such rewards in return of what they give. So, it may not be as altruistic as thought as it may not be unselfish as thought.

Votes
Average: 0.3 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, thus, for example, in contrast, as a result, in contrast to, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 10.4613686534 134% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 5.04856512141 198% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 7.30242825607 151% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 12.0772626932 124% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 22.412803532 152% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 54.0 30.3222958057 178% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 5.01324503311 80% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1870.0 1373.03311258 136% => OK
No of words: 405.0 270.72406181 150% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.61728395062 5.08290768461 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.48604634366 4.04702891845 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.47126574799 2.5805825403 96% => OK
Unique words: 189.0 145.348785872 130% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.466666666667 0.540411800872 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 586.8 419.366225166 140% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.55342163355 90% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 3.25607064018 123% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.23620309051 61% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 1.25165562914 320% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 2.5761589404 116% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 13.0662251656 107% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 21.2450331126 132% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 58.3798696785 49.2860985944 118% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.571428571 110.228320801 121% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.9285714286 21.698381199 133% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.14285714286 7.06452816374 129% => OK
Paragraphs: 3.0 4.09492273731 73% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 0.0 4.19205298013 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 4.33554083885 138% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 4.45695364238 67% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.27373068433 117% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0101284843217 0.272083759551 4% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.00569303655805 0.0996497079465 6% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0205265352231 0.0662205650399 31% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.00898919954491 0.162205337803 6% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0127126479113 0.0443174109184 29% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 13.3589403974 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.98 53.8541721854 111% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 5.55761589404 56% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.8 11.0289183223 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.11 12.2367328918 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.68 8.42419426049 91% => OK
difficult_words: 68.0 63.6247240618 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 10.7273730684 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 10.498013245 126% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.2008830022 116% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Write the essay in 20 minutes.
Minimum four paragraphs wanted. The correct pattern:

para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3

Less contents wanted from the reading passages(25%), more content wanted from the lecture (75%).

Don't need a conclusion paragraph.

Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster

It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.

Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.