describe a situation or a special event to make you decide to choose your major. you can show your character

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describe a situation or a special event to make you decide to choose your major. you can show your character

To be honest, I am an ordinary girl, not a talented person as my parents expects. My mom and dad always encouraged me to be a doctor or a lawyer in order to have a steady life. The way they said they knew what was best for me made me extremely confused because I had no interest in those things. In fact, I did not even know what my dream was or who I would like to become, I felt so lost while all of my friends already had had their own intention. It was a hard time for me on finding and defining myself.

However, everything started from 3 years ago. My mom ran a small business about shoes and sandals with many kind of styles, sizes for all ages and genders. There were my mom, my dad and three workers work together to produce products, I also gave them a hand only when school was over. Our benefit was optimistic but we still worried about the number of customers.

One day, my aunt, who was working at Quang Viet Enterprise in Cu Chi ( a clothing business), told us that she was looking for something given to the company’s workers on their birthday to thanks for their dedication. I knew that was our time, our rare chance to widespread my mom business’s brand so I had to take this chance at all cost. Therefore, we suggested her to cooperate with us and she accepted with the condition that we had to provide over 6000 sandals in three months. You know, even I and my family could never imagine that we had this amount of numbers orders, it was such an amazing challenge for us. We worked so hard every single day, even when our three workers had got off work at 5 pm, I and my parents still kept on doing until midnight to get things done before deadline. As a result, we finally finished it within three months. It is one of the best things makes me proud up to now. Everytime closing my eyes, I imagine one day I can run a well-known business, become a successful women as well as my mom and proudly say to her that “I did it”, that’s when my dream begins.

Now, I know who I would want to be and start making my dream come true. As an Intensive English class student from secondary to high school, I also have intention to study abroad. Some may say their destination is to study in America or Australia, while my one and only ideal place to spend 4 years in university is Korea. I am so impressed by Korea’s safety, the proliferation of technology and great educational opportunities. Furthermore, I eternally admire Korean for their brilliance, determination that they can developed their country from a normal country to one of the best modern and civilized one now. As you know, I was once received a scholarship from a school in Japan but I already have a huge passion in Korea so I immediately refused it to find another chance to live in the place I want. After that, fortunately, I found out SolBridge International School of Business by chance. Your school is exactly what I have been looking for. To my knowledge, SolBridge is known as the top business school in Korea with experienced professors from Harvard, Cornell, Berkeley university and so on. Moreover, all classes are taught in English which is suitable for international students who don’t speak Korean well like me. Besides, I will be able to explore multiple cultures from students of 55 nations, which is great for learning their lifestyles and new languages. There is no doubt that language and knowledge are the primary factors to success in our globalization era. Based on those reasons, I strongly believe that SolBridge School is the best choice for me to expand my knowledge as well as prepare me to be a next generation leader in business.

Honestly, I may not be as brilliant as those excellent applicants, however, I claim determination is one of my specific characters that makes me stand out. I always try my best and pay all of my attention to what I am doing. no matter how hard the situation is, I will find out the way to address the problems. Thus, “give up” is the word never exists in my dictionary. Moreover, I do things carefully, a good preparation does help me to be active, confident and comfortable. Last but not least, I am a studious person who has a keen interest in everything which is my weapon in completing myself.
Besides, I choose to study International Business in BBA program because I want to become an excellent manager in the near future. If I want to run my own company, I have to have a thoughtful understanding about different majors and the comprehension of all the affairs so that I want to choose BBA in your school as my first step to make my dream come true. For any academic information about this major, I believe that SolBridge School will impact knowledge to me as much as possible and I promise that I will make use of all of the chances to learn and experience. On the other hand, I would love to introduce our school as well as Korean culture to international friends. After graduation, I’m about to study MBA and work in different environments, countries to obtain and have valuable experiences. Finally, after having enough, I will establish my own organization, my own brand.

Ultimately, I am confident to prove that I am qualified for the scholarship because of my good studies during the time I studied in Vietnam and If I have a scholarship, I will definitely try my best to study and dedicate my ability to SolBridge. Another reason is my family finance, my parents are not rich enough to pay for me without the scholarship in SolBridge school, having scholarship is the best way for me to concentrate on studying and joining social activities, not focusing too much on working to earn money. Our family is able to pay all the fee If I can have more than 70% scholarship so that I can prove my potential possibility on studying for BBA in SolBridge School.

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Average: 6 (2 votes)
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even I and my family
even my family and I ...

I and my parents
my parents and I ...

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flaws:
better to remove this:

As you know, I was once received a scholarship from a school in Japan but I already have a huge passion in Korea so I immediately refused it to find another chance to live in the place I want.

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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 44 15
No. of Words: 1058 350
No. of Characters: 4633 1500
No. of Different Words: 449 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.703 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.379 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.665 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 306 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 226 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 148 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 104 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.045 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.171 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.705 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.306 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.443 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.138 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5