TPO 35- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Privacy is one of the most important part of life. No matter where we are or what we do, we always need some boundary which is private to doing our personal things. Some people believe famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now, others would disagree. In my perspective, I agree with the statement and think celebrities, like any other people, demand a private life otherwise they may fail in their future career for two key reasons.

First of all, their privacy is not just about them, but connected to their family and relatives. Doing stuff in personal life such as travelling, going out buying or restaurant sometimes related to family or friends who may be not famous and don't like their life being under media's eyes. For example, famous athletes such as Lionel Messi, the football player, does not play 24 hours a day. As a human he needs to sleep, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and also rest. Some of these activities happen in his home. His home is a place which his family live there such as his three babies. I think social networker trend to know about his personal life but some of the thing happen in his personal life such the thing above mentioned related to his babies. As we do not know if Lionel Messi's babies like or dislike to being watched, we should respect to them and have some privacy for he and his family. This example entirely indicate that privacy is really necessary for celebrities.

Secondly, being always watched and controlled lead anybody even famous people to embarrassment. People do different when they are in public in comparison with when they are in their private. People also need both of the situation to have normal life and when they feel their privacy become more public, their act become unmoral. For example last week I read an interview in a magazine. The interview was about one of the Iranian showman named Akbar. Akbar mentioned that before he become famous he had a normal life. He used to sing a song while he went for walking. As he become famous, the opportunity of signing disappeared because he feels embarrass when about pay attention to him while he singing. This show that privacy is important to people.

To sum up, privacy has important effect on famous entertainer and athletes. Relatives being connected and feeling embarrassment in public foster the idea that famous people deserve to have more privacy. I think people should have more respect about famous entertainers and athlete’s privacy.

Average: 7 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 243, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't or friends who may be not famous and dont like their life being under medias eyes...
Line 3, column 654, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...end to know about his personal life but some of the thing happen in his personal life such ...

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, may, really, second, secondly, so, while, for example, i think, such as, first of all, to sum up

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 15.1003584229 99% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 9.8082437276 71% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 13.8261648746 137% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 11.0286738351 109% => OK
Pronoun: 50.0 43.0788530466 116% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 52.1666666667 96% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 8.0752688172 62% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2084.0 1977.66487455 105% => OK
No of words: 431.0 407.700716846 106% => OK
Chars per words: 4.83526682135 4.8611393121 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55637350225 4.48103885553 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.48533361933 2.67179642975 93% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 212.727598566 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.510440835267 0.524837075471 97% => OK
syllable_count: 664.2 618.680645161 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 20.6003584229 121% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 20.1344086022 84% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.6014230526 48.9658058833 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 83.36 100.406767564 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.24 20.6045352989 84% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.72 5.45110844103 87% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 11.8709677419 51% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.85842293907 156% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 13.0 4.88709677419 266% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.217430105903 0.236089414692 92% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0657309814794 0.076458572812 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0827592417477 0.0737576698707 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.16578811956 0.150856017488 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0812219996984 0.0645574589148 126% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.0 11.7677419355 85% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 58.1214874552 108% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 10.1575268817 86% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.5 10.9000537634 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.34 8.01818996416 92% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 86.8835125448 90% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 10.002688172 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 10.0537634409 88% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?

Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.