The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College."To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
This argument stated from the director of student housing at Buckingham college seems to be quiet justified, However a careful reading can find a variety of flaws. The author states that new dormitories are needed for serving the housing requirements of students upcoming over the next 50 years. The author uses unsubstantial evidence to bring up his claim for this matter. Therefore, This claim must be broken down to find the flaws.More information is required to convince the reader.
In this memo, A dean at Buckingham college recommends that in order to meet expected enrollment,Number of new dormitories should be increased.To support his argument,Dean points out the rental rates of off-campus apartments have been increasing, thus making it more difficult for students housing option.Furthermore,the dean also points out that the new dormitories would attract prospective students to the college.This argument has several flaws.
Firstly,To support argument author should provide the exact number of current students at Buckingham they can be in hundreds or in thousands and of them how many prefer to live in college dormitories they can be hundred,two-hundred or even more or less.The author has not provided the sufficient information.which weakens the argument.
secondly,The dean has mentioned that the rents of off-campus apartments are increasing and students will find difficulty in affording that much amount.But,here author does not provide with the detail fee structure of college whether 10000,20000 or more.In addition,Author does not give the information regarding the rents of apartments.rents can be equal or can be less than college dormitories or even their can be a little difference between the college dormitories rent and apartments rent.
Additionally,Dean has mentioned that attractive new dormitories would make new students to enroll to this college.to strengthen this statement,author should have conducted survey by approaching new students to figure out how comfortable new dormitories are.
Finally,providing regarding the current number of students and how many new students can be accommodated by the college could have satisfied the reader.Hence,lack of all these evidences weakens the argument and is therefore not convincing.
Sentence: Rents can be equal or can be less than college dormitories or even their can be a little difference between the college dormitories rent and apartments rent.
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a modal auxillary
Suggestion: Refer to their and can
flaws:
More content wanted for arguments. Introductions only need one paragraph. Like this:
para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 363 350
No. of Characters: 1888 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.365 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.201 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.79 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.15 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.145 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.318 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.558 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5