174. A recent sales study indicates that consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percent during the past five years. Yet there are no currently operating city restaurants whose specialty is seafood. Moreover, the majority of families in Bay City are two-income families, and a nationwide study has shown that such families eat significantly fewer home-cooked meals than they did a decade ago but at the same time express more concern about healthful eating. Therefore, the new Captain Seafood restaurant that specializes in seafood should be quite popular and profitable.
In this memo, the author asserts the new seafood restaurant will be popular and profitable due to the increasing consumption of seafood recently, the absence of seafood-specify restaurant and the majority of two-income families. However, close scrutiny reveals the unconvincing of this argument.
At first, the study of 30% increasing of seafood dishes in recent five years cannot represent the increasing demand of seafood-specify restaurants. The argument does not show us other possible reasons of this increasement, such as the more obvious increasement of total consumption in restaurants besides seafood dishes, or the dramatic drop of seafood prices. Both of which reveal that the seafood may not as popular and profitable as the author once thought, and so does Captain Seafood restaurant.
Second, no seafood-specify restaurant in Bay City cannot show the potential popularity and profit of new Captain Seafood restaurant. If the demand for a sea-food restaurant is as great as the author claims, it seems Bay City would already have one or more such restaurant. The absence of seafood-specify restaurant can sternly explain the lack of interest in seafood dishes in Bay City.
Finally, the majority of two-income families cannot verify the popularity of seafood dishes. Although two-income families are more like restaurant food than twenty years ago, the specific proportion of those families who eat frequently in restaurants is not provided. Thus we cannot conclude their contribution to the consumption of seafood dishes. Furthermore, suppose a significant large proportion of two-income families eats frequently in restaurants, their preference of heathy food does not represent the preference of seafood dishes for the reason that they may be more likely to consume vegetables and fruits rather than only seafood.
In conclusion, the author fails to elucidate the reasons for opening Caption Seafood restaurant convincingly. To persuade me, the memo should provide more evidence of the increasement of total consumption in restaurants and the price of seafood in recent years. We should also need more information about the exact proportion of two-income families which consumes seafood in restaurant frequently.
Sentence: The argument does not show us other possible reasons of this increasement, such as the more obvious increasement of total consumption in restaurants besides seafood dishes, or the dramatic drop of seafood prices.
Error: increasement Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Furthermore, suppose a significant large proportion of two-income families eats frequently in restaurants, their preference of heathy food does not represent the preference of seafood dishes for the reason that they may be more likely to consume vegetables and fruits rather than only seafood.
Error: heathy Suggestion: healthy
Sentence: To persuade me, the memo should provide more evidence of the increasement of total consumption in restaurants and the price of seafood in recent years.
Error: increasement Suggestion: No alternate word
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK. This is not a loophole. better:
1.maybe the sea food consumption mentioned is a result of sea food as complements to other meals, as opposed to sea food being the bulk of such meal. If this is the case, then the author has no evidence yet to suggest that Bay city residents who eat outside would be willing to go to a Captain Seafood which specializes only in seafood.
2. profit is a factor relating to revenue, cost and management. not because it specializes in seafood.
argument 3 -- it is not OK before 'Furthermore'.
suggested:
it is still yet to be proven that the nationwide behavior is the same as that of Bay city’s. In fact, it could be that Bay city residents are an exception to this general behavior.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 339 350
No. of Characters: 1855 1500
No. of Different Words: 154 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.291 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.472 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.075 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 153 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 121 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.6 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.024 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.733 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.436 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.644 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.16 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5