53.The following appeared in a health magazine.
"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."
The article makes the argument that Forsythe citizens’ lifestyles have become more healthful based on a recent survey and sales records of two types of food. To evaluate this optimistic conclusion, we need more evidence about how the survey was designed and conducted and the reasons why the sales of different food have changed.
We need more information about the survey to decide if the results can support the conclusion. For one thing, how the survey was designed and conducted would affect the reliability of the data collected. Did the survey ask the respondents about their eating habits now as well as ten years ago? For their current eating habits, did the survey designers include questions phrased in different ways to check the consistency of the respondents? For the eating habits of people ten years ago, did the survey ask the respondents to recall their eating habits or consider the data collected a decade earlier? Answers to these questions would provide evidence for us to decide if the survey itself was well-designed and could produce useful and reliable data. Another issue is the representativeness of the respondents. We need to evaluate the sampling methods of the survey critically to see if the respondents sampled can truly represent the Forsythe citizens. If the respondents were mainly from a particular socioeconomic class or age group, for example, the survey results could not be generalized to the entire population in Forsythe.
More information is also required to understand the nature of Kiran and the reasons why the sales have increased. According to the magazine article, Kiran can help reduce cholesterol. But that does not mean the substance is necessarily healthful. Maybe it is a mood booster that can help the people to feel good but may become addictive in the long term. We need more information about Kiran to determine whether having more of this is healthful. Also, we need to consider the food products that contain kiran. Maybe the food products, in addition to having kiran, also have other unhealthy ingredients such as sugar or grease. This is related to another question: why are the food products so popular? Maybe they are popular for reasons unrelated to kiran such as the delicious taste as a result of sugar or grease or effective marketing strategies of the manufacturers and retailers. If this is the case, the data would not support the claim that Forsythe citizens are leading a more healthful life.
Similarly, we need more information about sulia and why its sales has been reduced. It is not reasonable to assess the health value of sulia simply based on the eating habits of the most healthy citizens. The citizens’s health conditions may or may not relate to their habits of eating or not eating a particular food. We need more data about why the “most healthy citizens” are so healthy to decide if it is related to not eating sulia. Of course, information about sulia itself such as its nutrition value and impact on people’s health would be very helpful. Meanwhile, it is also useful to know why the sales of sulia has declined. It could be caused by factors that are completely unrelated to people’s lifestyle and health, Maybe the sales were reduced because the change of global market that increased the price of sulia as raw materials. With the increase of the price, people would certainly buy less of the food. If this is the case, we would then need to consider the substitute of sulia that people turn to and see if the substitute is healthful or not.
Overall speaking, evaluating the healthfulness of people’s lifestyles is an important but complcated undertaking. Looking at the eating habits and the sales of particular food products is helpful but may not lead to comprehensive and reliable data that is required to make any valid conclusion. To evaluate the argument, we need more information about the survey designs, the nature of the food products and why the sales have changed.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 33 15
No. of Words: 667 350
No. of Characters: 3244 1500
No. of Different Words: 249 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.082 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.864 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.664 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 232 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 165 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 121 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 81 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.212 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.682 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.468 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.17 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, if, look, may, similarly, so, then, well, while, for example, in addition, of course, such as, as a result, as well as, for one thing
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 26.0 12.9520958084 201% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 27.0 11.1786427146 242% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 71.0 55.5748502994 128% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3352.0 2260.96107784 148% => OK
No of words: 667.0 441.139720559 151% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.02548725637 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.08196252842 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84876113971 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 263.0 204.123752495 129% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.394302848576 0.468620217663 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1062.9 705.55239521 151% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 4.96107784431 262% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 33.0 19.7664670659 167% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 39.7228922995 57.8364921388 69% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.575757576 119.503703932 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.2121212121 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.36363636364 5.70786347227 76% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 8.20758483034 207% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.217720081866 0.218282227539 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0626915157237 0.0743258471296 84% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0592439323438 0.0701772020484 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.137006493685 0.128457276422 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0291272961083 0.0628817314937 46% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.4 14.3799401198 86% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.89 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.11 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 147.0 98.500998004 149% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.