To better serve the international students being admitted to Darrington College, we should build a new cafeteria catering to the students at subsidized rates. The current cafeteria is very old and serves only expensive items and dishes, a point that will surely deter future international students from applying to Darrington College. Building a new cafeteria will prevent this from happening and will certainly lead to a dramatic increase in the popularity of Darrington College. Moreover, a new cafeteria will help Darrington College to justify an increased budget for educational improvement this year. Building a new cafeteria will therefore be a great step towards enhancing the ranking of Darrington College.
After reading the memo the author has come to the conclusion that building a new dining hall will enhance the college ranking and increase the intake of international students. But this conclusion has been made using many unwarranted assumptions.
First of all, the memo states that the current dining hall is very old and only serves expensive items and dishes and it will prevent future international students from applying to Rydell College. But on what basis is he stating this. He has not mentioned anything about the prices of the food items and also not provided a survey as such to claim that the prices of the food items served are high. And even if the food prices are quite high then building a new dining hall for that won't be financially feasible for the college. And also a student looks for good faculty, research and development performed by the college in his sector of interest, different courses available in his genre, good hostel facility and not for a good dining hall. Secondly, author should see the ratio of current international to local students in the college and will building a new dining hall be profitable for the college. Are the seats allotted international students occupied or not. Because if they are occupied then international students are willing to take admission in Rydell College they have no issue with the dining hall.
Secondly, the author states that building a new dining hall will definitely lead to a dramatic increase in a popularity of Rydell College. But popularity of the college will increase by academic achievements and performance of students and also while taking admission students will look for good faculties, research and development in their sector of interest, different courses available in their genre, placement opportunities etc. and not for a good dining hall. So, this doesn't make any sense.
He also states that building a new dining hall will help Rydell College to justify an increased budget for educational improvements. But building a dining is not a educational improvement. If they would have built a library or bought new books for the library then this could have been an educational improvement but building a dining hall is not an educational improvement as such. And ranking of the college increases by several criteria and building a dining hall for that won't make any sense. To increase the ranking of the college a proper should be done and the college administration should look at various other necessities required for the improvement of the college rank.
Therefore we can see that author has made many unwarranted assumptions. Therefore I conclude that building a dining hall will not be a good move to increase the college ranking and popularity of the college.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 462 350
No. of Characters: 2268 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.636 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.909 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.749 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 168 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.1 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.063 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.85 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.37 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.539 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.158 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 850, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'build'
Suggestion: build
... local students in the college and will building a new dining hall be profitable for the...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 971, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...international students occupied or not. Because if they are occupied then international...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 476, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...nd not for a good dining hall. So, this doesnt make any sense. He also states that ...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 163, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...rovements. But building a dining is not a educational improvement. If they would ...
^
Line 7, column 198, Rule ID: IF_WOULD_HAVE_VBN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'had built'?
Suggestion: had built
... not a educational improvement. If they would have built a library or bought new books for the l...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...the improvement of the college rank. Therefore we can see that author has made many un...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 73, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
... has made many unwarranted assumptions. Therefore I conclude that building a dining hall ...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, look, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, while, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 25.0 11.1786427146 224% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2310.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 459.0 441.139720559 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.03267973856 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62863751936 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79549138725 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 177.0 204.123752495 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.385620915033 0.468620217663 82% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 732.6 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 2.0 8.76447105788 23% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 8.0 1.67365269461 478% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 67.5178988615 57.8364921388 117% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.0 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.8571428571 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.09523809524 5.70786347227 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.231429532179 0.218282227539 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.08111821544 0.0743258471296 109% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0740346364486 0.0701772020484 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.132341911624 0.128457276422 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0665724373839 0.0628817314937 106% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.2 14.3799401198 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.89 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.4 8.32208582834 89% => OK
difficult_words: 79.0 98.500998004 80% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.