To better serve the international students being admitted to Rydell College, we should build a new cafeteria catering to the students at subsidized rates. The current cafeteria is very old and serves only expensive items and dishes, a point that will surely deter future international students from applying to Rydell College. Building a new cafeteria will prevent this from happening and will certainly lead to a dramatic increase in the popularity of Rydell College. Moreover, a new cafeteria will help Rydell College to justify an increased budget for educational improvement this year. Building a new cafeteria will therefore be a great step towards enhancing the ranking of Rydell College
The author's suggestion to build new dining hall for students seems plausible at is first look, but in actual lacks with proper reasoning and facts which makes this a faulty argument. Author needs to answer few questions so as to make the argument a cogent argument.
The author says that the current dining hall is very old and serves only expensive items and dishes, something that will prevent future international students from applying to Rydell College. First of all, old and expensive are vague terms. Author should have mentioned the accurate date of the inauguration of the dining hall. Because it might be a case that the dining hall is just 5-6 years old but the author is thinking that it is old. Secondly, talking about expensive food items author should have mentioned exact prices of the food items or dishes so we could have got clarification about the prices. Also he states that this will prevent international students from applying to the college. But is dining hall and prices of food items even a criteria to decide a college for study. Students always look for faculty, job opportunities, curriculum and many other things related to their field of interest.
Secondly, the author also states that building a new dining hall will dramatically increase the popularity of the college. How can building a dining hall will increase the popularity of the college is my first question. I mean a popularity of a college increases when the students that particular would get good jobs, good research facilities, sponsored research projects, good teaching faculties etc. But building a dining hall will not lead to increase in the popularity of Rydell College.
The author also states that building a new dining hall will help Rydell College to justify an increased budget for educational improvement this year. First of all, building a new dining hall is not an educational improvement. If the college will build a new library or a new research lab for students then will can call it as an educational improvement. Because this will help the students to enhance their skills not building a dining hall will not enhance their skills.
So at last I would conclude by saying that author's statement is faulty, and he needs to verify facts before recommending any steps. Author's recommendation can lead to extra expenditure on the college's budget and this will not bring and educational improvement to the college. So author should check his statements and facts before proceeding.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 9 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 415 350
No. of Characters: 2043 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.513 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.923 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.661 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 153 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 101 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.854 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.364 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.586 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.161 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 5, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
The authors suggestion to build new dining hall for...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 221, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...t. Author needs to answer few questions so as to make the argument a cogent argument. ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 611, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ave got clarification about the prices. Also he states that this will prevent intern...
^^^^
Line 3, column 751, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a criterion' or simply 'criteria'?
Suggestion: a criterion; criteria
...ning hall and prices of food items even a criteria to decide a college for study. Students...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 355, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... call it as an educational improvement. Because this will help the students to enhance ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, look, second, secondly, so, then, as to, i mean, talking about, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 21.0 12.9520958084 162% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2091.0 2260.96107784 92% => OK
No of words: 415.0 441.139720559 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.03855421687 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.51348521516 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71717493518 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 180.0 204.123752495 88% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.433734939759 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 636.3 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 39.2494782379 57.8364921388 68% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.5714285714 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.7619047619 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.66666666667 5.70786347227 82% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.243400878137 0.218282227539 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0831008357579 0.0743258471296 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0634087515901 0.0701772020484 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.128160875402 0.128457276422 100% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0731869997689 0.0628817314937 116% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.2 14.3799401198 85% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.95 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.55 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 98.500998004 79% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.