In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet inappropriately from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. Installing software on company computers to detect employees' Internet use is the best way to prevent employees from wasting time on the job. It will foster a better work ethic at Climpson and improve our overall profits."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would.
The author of the reading passage insists that Climpson company should implement electronic monitoring system to improve their employees’ productivity. The author states that they can foster a better work ethic and improve overall profits by installing software on company computers to identify and punish personal, recreational activities. This argument is flawed and fragile as it stands. The author should suggest more evidence to support the claim.
To begin with, the author has to suggest whether the company has to deal with personal or recreational activities of employees as a problem. It is plausible that the internet usage for private purpose take a negligible amount of time. Or perhaps, whether there are significant internet usages in this purpose, it might not lead to decline work productivity. They might do shopping and play games only using their lunchtime. In this regard, the author should suggest how serious the problem is and what is the estimated total hours due to the private internet usages.
Moreover, the author fails to consider the possible side-effects from the policy. I would like to mention two most probable consequences. Firstly, it is possible that employees get angry due to the change. They might feel uncomfortable and regard the new policy as inappropriate one because of the invasion of privacy. Secondly, it is also plausible that an operation cost of the new system is bigger than the improve profits by prohibiting personal time. If the fee to purchase the software and maintain costs are bigger than expected, the company will end up paying more money instead of increasing their overall profits. Therefore, to strengthen the argument, the author should vindicate how the mentioned possible consequences would not be a problem.
Building upon the assumption that there is no negative side of the policy, the author also unfairly concludes that the monitoring system is the best idea. On the contrary, the author should consider and eliminate all possible alternative solutions. For instance, company can educate employees not to use working hours for own recreational purpose and bolster their work ethics. Or, they can plan campaign about the problem so that employees can voluntarily change their behavior. Thus, the author should suggest the apt reasons and supporting evidence for the argument that the monitoring system is the best idea.
In a nutshell, the contention relies on several unwarranted assumptions thus is problematic. To bolster the argument, the author should suggest the aforementioned evidence. Only by giving more evidence, the author could convince us.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 414 350
No. of Characters: 2164 1500
No. of Different Words: 203 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.511 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.227 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.733 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 183 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 138 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.139 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.299 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.487 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.065 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 9, column 407, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...n cost of the new system is bigger than the improve profits by prohibiting personal time. I...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, if, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, thus, as to, for instance, on the contrary, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2237.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 414.0 441.139720559 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.40338164251 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.51076378781 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.85291878684 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 210.0 204.123752495 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.507246376812 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 693.0 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 38.5875402674 57.8364921388 67% => OK
Chars per sentence: 93.2083333333 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.25 23.324526521 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.5 5.70786347227 96% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.210363331647 0.218282227539 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0545756385767 0.0743258471296 73% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0556489738896 0.0701772020484 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.112752926335 0.128457276422 88% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0528059513462 0.0628817314937 84% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.6 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 45.76 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.74 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.75 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 112.0 98.500998004 114% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.