“Five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine exotic pets Monthly .Their stores saw sales increase by 15%. The three Fish Emporium stores in Gulf City saw an even greater increase than that. Because Top Dog has some of its largest stores in Gulf City ,it seems clear that we should start placing our own ads in Exotic Pets Monthly .If we do so, we will be sure to reverse the recent trend of decline sales and start making a profit again. ”
According to the memo discussed above states that the sales of the Fish Emporium increased by 15 percent after giving it’s advertisement in the Exotic Pets Monthly. Memo concludes that another company Top Dog Pets Stores should start giving their advertisement in the magazine to reverse their trend of declining sales .Here the marketing manager of Top Dog Pet Stores have concluded it’s conclusion without giving proper understandings of the points discussed by him.
Firstly , the marketing manager states that the company named fish Emporium gave their advertising 5 years ago, and concluded to do the same for increasing their profit but which might not be the case for the present situation. What if the readers of the Exotic Pets Monthly have started reading another magazine or simply they have stop reading the magazines related to pet? One cannot predict present situation by relying on past reports or findings.
Secondly, the marketing manager states that the three stores of Fish Emporium present in theGulf City saw an increase of sales larger than 15 percent of their overall increase. Here marketing manager suggest that their larger store in Gulf city got lower sales than the three store of Fish Emporium because the Fish emporium gave advertisement in the magazine . This point has a major loophole about the location of the store in the Gulf City. It might be the case that the three stores of Fish Emporium is located around various corner of the city where a vast range of customers can visit the store rather than going to a big store located far away from their residence. Here the manager have to be more specific about the location of the stores in the gulf city.
Thirdly, in the premise of the memo the manager states that the increase in the sales of the Fish Emporium is due to advertisement in the magazine which might be not the case here. One cannot simply know that the customer who visited the stores of Fish Emporium have the seen the advertisement in the magazine . They might not be attracted by the advertisement but are simply recommended the store by any of there relatives.
Hence , the marketing manager cannot simply conclude that they should start placing ads in the Exotic Pets Monthly because the sales of Fish Emporium got increased by 15 percent by doing so. He have to be more optimistic about the future of the company and not make decision on vague assumption , harming the current situation of the company .Which according to his conclusion is in loss.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 426 350
No. of Characters: 2048 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.543 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.808 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.469 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.673 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.4 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.417 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.464 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.154 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 2 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 198, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ets Monthly. Memo concludes that another company Top Dog Pets Stores should start...
^^
Line 1, column 267, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... should start giving their advertisement in the magazine to reverse their trend o...
^^
Line 1, column 326, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...o reverse their trend of declining sales .Here the marketing manager of Top Dog Pe...
^^
Line 1, column 328, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Here
...reverse their trend of declining sales .Here the marketing manager of Top Dog Pet St...
^^^^
Line 3, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...the points discussed by him. Firstly , the marketing manager states that the c...
^^
Line 3, column 296, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...Exotic Pets Monthly have started reading another magazine or simply they have sto...
^^
Line 4, column 212, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ase. Here marketing manager suggest that their larger store in Gulf city got lowe...
^^
Line 4, column 299, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...es than the three store of Fish Emporium because the Fish emporium gave advertise...
^^
Line 4, column 361, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...orium gave advertisement in the magazine . This point has a major loophole about t...
^^
Line 5, column 237, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...y know that the customer who visited the stores of Fish Emporium have the seen th...
^^
Line 5, column 310, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...e seen the advertisement in the magazine . They might not be attracted by the adve...
^^
Line 5, column 365, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ot be attracted by the advertisement but are simply recommended the store by any ...
^^
Line 6, column 6, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... store by any of there relatives. Hence , the marketing manager cannot simply co...
^^
Line 6, column 8, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tore by any of there relatives. Hence , the marketing manager cannot simply conc...
^^
Line 6, column 195, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'He' must be used with a third-person verb: 'has'.
Suggestion: has
...increased by 15 percent by doing so. He have to be more optimistic about the future...
^^^^
Line 6, column 205, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...by 15 percent by doing so. He have to be more optimistic about the future of the ...
^^
Line 6, column 296, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...nd not make decision on vague assumption , harming the current situation of the co...
^^
Line 6, column 343, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ing the current situation of the company .Which according to his conclusion is in ...
^^
Line 6, column 345, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Which
...g the current situation of the company .Which according to his conclusion is in loss....
^^^^^
Line 6, column 345, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Which” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...g the current situation of the company .Which according to his conclusion is in loss....
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, hence, if, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2093.0 2260.96107784 93% => OK
No of words: 426.0 441.139720559 97% => OK
Chars per words: 4.91314553991 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54310108192 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.52564327042 2.78398813304 91% => OK
Unique words: 175.0 204.123752495 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.410798122066 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 665.1 705.55239521 94% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 60.9901267055 57.8364921388 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.533333333 119.503703932 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.4 23.324526521 122% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.53333333333 5.70786347227 79% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 20.0 5.25449101796 381% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.482124791618 0.218282227539 221% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.176540597593 0.0743258471296 238% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.117881779134 0.0701772020484 168% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.269100072738 0.128457276422 209% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0891344815496 0.0628817314937 142% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.9 14.3799401198 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.06 48.3550499002 89% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.49 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.77 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 74.0 98.500998004 75% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 18.0 11.9071856287 151% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.