The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper.
"The librarians in our town's school system have reported that the number of trips that our
students make to their school library on a voluntary basis has decreased significantly in recent
years. For example, the average seventh-grade student visited the school library five times
last year, but four of those visits were part of required classroom activities. This shows that our
students are reading less than in the past. To address this problem, our town needs to improve
the atmosphere of the libraries so that they will be comfortable places in which to work. If
students view the libraries as uncomfortable, then they are unlikely to want to spend much time
there."
The author of the editorial section purports that the reading done by students and to tackle the situation the town must ameliorate the atmosphere of libraries making them more conducive for students to work, thus eliminating discomfort as a reason for the low turnouts and lesser time spent by students in the libraries. The author cites survey conducted in a school library to determine the number of visits an average student makes to library. The author's claims seems to be based on some unwarranted assumptions. The following four paragraphs discuss the clarifications the author must provide make a cogent case.
Firstly, The survey conducted in the school library doesn't consider or state the fact that students have to attend classes. Perhaps, the low number of students showing up at the shcool library is primarily because students spend more time attending classes. Perhaps, they have an hectic schedule and curriculum to cover and spending time in the library becomes a luxury. The author must consider the above stated conditions else the above survey fails to underpin the author's argument.
Secondly, there are other sources of reading materials which the students might be accessing other than libraries. Perhaps the students prefer reading from online sources on the internet, residing in the comfort of their home rather than travelling or going to the library to read. It is also possible the libraries though comfortable lack the facilities like internet connection which might be the primary source from where students access reading materials. The author fails to inform the readers that whether the libraries are equipped with technologies and facilities that the students require for reading and working purposes.
Thirdly, it is possible that the location of the libraries in the town are not readily accessible to the students. Perhaps, even though the students are willing to visit the libraries, the long distances and traffic bridles them from doing so. The author must ensure and provide information about the accessibility of these libraries. If the students find these libraries hard to reach or access they are very likely to adopt other technologies that are more conducive.
Lastly, it is also possible that libraries charge students some amount as membership fees whereas students can access reading materials for free from sources like the internet. The author must investigate if the membership charges are one of the reasons that is discouraging sudents from visiting libraries.
In conclusion, the above reasons render the argument weak. The author must consider the suggestions stated earlier to make a cogent argument.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 422 350
No. of Characters: 2206 1500
No. of Different Words: 197 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.532 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.227 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.615 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 185 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 140 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.1 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.949 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.348 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.107 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 448, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ts an average student makes to library. The authors claims seems to be based on som...
^^^
Line 1, column 460, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'claim'.
Suggestion: claim
...e student makes to library. The authors claims seems to be based on some unwarranted a...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 518, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... based on some unwarranted assumptions. The following four paragraphs discuss the c...
^^^
Line 2, column 53, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... survey conducted in the school library doesnt consider or state the fact that student...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 277, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...e attending classes. Perhaps, they have an hectic schedule and curriculum to cover...
^^
Line 2, column 468, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
... the above survey fails to underpin the authors argument. Secondly, there are other so...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 207, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...it the libraries, the long distances and traffic bridles them from doing so. The ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, if, lastly, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly, thus, whereas, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2245.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 421.0 441.139720559 95% => OK
Chars per words: 5.3325415677 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52971130743 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67648219961 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 202.0 204.123752495 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.479809976247 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 692.1 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.141735288 57.8364921388 94% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.25 119.503703932 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.05 23.324526521 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.160391552833 0.218282227539 73% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.054221489077 0.0743258471296 73% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.049497120142 0.0701772020484 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0838428170286 0.128457276422 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0525330711208 0.0628817314937 84% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.63 12.5979740519 108% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.58 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 98.500998004 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.