The following appeared in a health magazine.
"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author states that the people in Forsythe live more healthy lives than before. However, in order to substantiate his claim, he needs to provide more evidence.
Firstly, the author mentions a survey that says the citizens conform more closely to the recommendations of the government than they used to. Yet, there is no evidence that the survey is worth trusting. People tend to express themselves as better ones. For example, people would like to exaggerate that they earn more money than they really do. Even if the people do tell the truth to the researchers, the author doesn't provide any information about how the survey was conducted. For example, the survey could have randomly asked five people on the street and made the conclusions. Therefore, the author should show more details of how the data was collected.
Secondly, it is mentioned in the magazine that there is a significant increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a salutary substance. However, the author doesn't provide any information of the reason that results in such an increase. It is possible that although sales does increase, the average amount of kiran that a person in Forsythe consumes doesn't change a lot. For example, the increase is because of a huge growth in the population in this cities. Therefore, the author should show the growth rate of Forsythe to evaluate whether people really consume more kiran than before.
Also, it is stated that the trend can also be shown in a decrease in sales of sulia which is not common in the most healthy citizens' diet. Nevertheless, there isn't any evidence showing that the less one takes in sulia, the more healthy a person would be. There could be many reasons for those health people to not consume sulia. For example, it is possible that sulia is a kind of substance that can help people reduce their blood pressure. Since those healthy people don't have to deal with such issues, they don't have to consume it. In contrast to the author's argument, the decrease in the sales of it could mean that more people start to ignore the importance of their health.
The author states that the citizens in Forsythe adopted more healthful lifestyles than before. However, he should show more evidence to justify his claim.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 390 350
No. of Characters: 1825 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.444 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.679 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.411 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 86 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.727 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.361 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.682 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.322 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.515 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.075 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 455, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
...le have different reasons to buy kiran, the the author’s assertion is invalid, and his ...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 455, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
...le have different reasons to buy kiran, the the author’s assertion is invalid, and his ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, however, if, second, so, then, therefore, well, as to, for example, in conclusion, first of all, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 11.1786427146 170% => OK
Relative clauses : 29.0 13.6137724551 213% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 40.0 28.8173652695 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2747.0 2260.96107784 121% => OK
No of words: 535.0 441.139720559 121% => OK
Chars per words: 5.13457943925 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.80937282943 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88027254851 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 234.0 204.123752495 115% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.43738317757 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 867.6 705.55239521 123% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.5762105697 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 130.80952381 119.503703932 109% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.4761904762 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.0 5.70786347227 123% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.128123703072 0.218282227539 59% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0468915604494 0.0743258471296 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0660781519474 0.0701772020484 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.078524453566 0.128457276422 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0737353076906 0.0628817314937 117% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.5 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.77 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.51 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 123.0 98.500998004 125% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.