The following appeared in a health newsletter."A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that numbe

Essay topics: The following appeared in a health newsletter.

"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of bicycle-related accidents has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets, and they take more risks as a result. Thus, to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents, the government should concentrate more on educating people about bicycle safety and less on encouraging or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

adksujan's picture

In the aforementioned argument, the author argues that bicycle related accident have risen due to confidence developed in bicyclist by wearing helmet. Also, author concludes bicylce related accident will reduce if government focuses on education related to bicycle saftey than wearing helmets. Although the author may seem persuasive at first, it fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which the argument and conclusion made could be evaluated.

Firstly, increase in bicycle related accidents might be due to increase in traffic over peroid of 10 years not due to confidence gained by wearing helmet. For one thing, as it is likley to increase number of bicycle and other vehicles on road as it is given 80 percent bicyclist now wear helmet which was only 35 percent five years ago. For another thing, the road condition might be same without improvment since 10 years ago. If it was mentioned facilites for bicyclist were improved, it can be concluded that 200 percent increase in accident is solely due to bicyclist and not due to other several factors.

Furthermore, author mentioned bicyclist in figure of percent which doesn't reveal real figures infront of us. As, 35 percent 10 years ago might be 350 out of 1000 and now number of bicyclist reduced to 500, its 80 percent would be only 400. So, it can be viewed that there is negligible increase in bicyclist wearing helmet which could have aggravated accidents by more than 200 percent. It is possible that, bicyclist aren't wearing helmet properly which could have increase accidents.

Morever, to reduce bicycle related mishaps, it is better to establish separate bicycle lane that could curtail the increasing accients. Author recommendations that governemnt should focus more on bicycle safety than on wearing helmets can further aggrandize the problem of incidents rather than curbing it. One question that evoked me is " Doesn't bicycle safety include wearing helmets ?"

In summary, the given argument fails short in many aspects. The argument did start with sound premise. However, it lacked the necessary evidences to strengthen that premise. For instance, is the argument included the situation of road 10 years ago and now, it would be easier to reach conclusion made by author. Also, it misses the exact numers by taking help on figures of percentage. Is these were mentioned, the author thought process in progressing from the premise to the stated conclusion would not have been so abrupt.Further the inclusion of what it includes in bicycle safety would have helped the author derive home his point in a far more convincing manner and establish his position without a shred of doubt. But in absence of these, the argument remanins flawed.

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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 68, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ed bicyclist in figure of percent which doesnt reveal real figures infront of us. As, ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 419, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: aren't
...percent. It is possible that, bicyclist arent wearing helmet properly which could hav...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 346, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: Doesn't
.... One question that evoked me is ' Doesnt bicycle safety include wearing helmets ...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 399, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e safety include wearing helmets ?' In summary, the given argument fails sho...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 526, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Further
...onclusion would not have been so abrupt.Further the inclusion of what it includes in bi...
^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, may, so, then, another thing, for instance, in summary, for another thing, for one thing

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2299.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 447.0 441.139720559 101% => OK
Chars per words: 5.14317673378 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.59808378696 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.62616572074 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 218.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.487695749441 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 711.0 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.0779010772 57.8364921388 106% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.95 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.35 23.324526521 96% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.05 5.70786347227 124% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.211177485531 0.218282227539 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0710499987245 0.0743258471296 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0593020821374 0.0701772020484 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.129275913834 0.128457276422 101% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0576751802187 0.0628817314937 92% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.83 12.5979740519 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.51 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 98.500998004 109% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------

Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Sentence: Also, author concludes bicylce related accident will reduce if government focuses on education related to bicycle saftey than wearing helmets.
Error: bicylce Suggestion: bicycle
Error: saftey Suggestion: safety

Sentence: Firstly, increase in bicycle related accidents might be due to increase in traffic over peroid of 10 years not due to confidence gained by wearing helmet.
Error: peroid Suggestion: period

Sentence: For one thing, as it is likley to increase number of bicycle and other vehicles on road as it is given 80 percent bicyclist now wear helmet which was only 35 percent five years ago.
Error: likley Suggestion: likely

Sentence: For another thing, the road condition might be same without improvment since 10 years ago.
Error: improvment Suggestion: improvement

Sentence: If it was mentioned facilites for bicyclist were improved, it can be concluded that 200 percent increase in accident is solely due to bicyclist and not due to other several factors.
Error: facilites Suggestion: facilities
Error: bicyclist Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: Furthermore, author mentioned bicyclist in figure of percent which doesn't reveal real figures infront of us.
Error: infront Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: bicyclist Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: Morever, to reduce bicycle related mishaps, it is better to establish separate bicycle lane that could curtail the increasing accients.
Error: accients Suggestion: accents

Sentence: Author recommendations that governemnt should focus more on bicycle safety than on wearing helmets can further aggrandize the problem of incidents rather than curbing it.
Error: governemnt Suggestion: government

Sentence: Also, it misses the exact numers by taking help on figures of percentage.
Error: numers Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: But in absence of these, the argument remanins flawed.
Error: remanins Suggestion: remains

---------------
argument 1 -- OK

argument 2 -- not OK. maybe today there more numbers, not less.

argument 3 -- not exactly. Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:

Thus, to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents, the government should concentrate more on educating people about bicycle safety and less on encouraging or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets.
----------------

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 12 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 449 350
No. of Characters: 2227 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.603 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.96 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.557 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 184 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 140 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.409 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.468 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.301 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.523 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5