The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a local newspaper in Masontown:
" If we want to save money on municipal garbage disposal fees, we need to encourage our residents to recycle more. Last year, our neighboring town, Hayesworth, passed a law requiring that all households recycle paper and glass, or pay a fine. Since that time, Hayesworth has seen its garbage disposal costs significantly decreased. If we implemented an advertising campaign encouraging our residents to recycle, Masontown would also save money on disposal of its waste."
At first glance the editors advice seems laudable since a clean society is what every one looks forward to. A clean society is salubrious for everyone including children as well as elders. However, under scrutiny, the editor's advice seems to be rife with many assumptions and loopholes.
First of all, it has been mentioned that to reduce teh municipal garbage cost residents in Masontown need to be encouraged. The question that arises is whether just by encouraging people will ensure that everyone will start following the law that editor has proposed should be passed. Again, we can not conclude that teh cost for garbage disposal in hayestown decreased because of the law passed last year since there is no mention how many people were living in that society last year and how many are still staying in the society. What if many people moved out of hayesworth last year and probably that why the garbage level in that society decreased. Therefore, rather than passing the law one needs to asses the state of Mason town resident and need to collaborate with all the residents and draw out a concensus whether they will be willing to have a law like hayesworth passed in their society. Going further, it has been mentioned that if people don't abide by the law properly then they will have to face a fine for that.
First loophole is invoking a law with fine seems forceful and people might not like that. Repurcussions of such act might make many residents to move out of Mason town. Again, nothing is being discussed about teh income of the residents. Whatif all or most of the residents of Hayesworth were rich, then they wouldn'yt have had any problem with the law and its fine since even if any fine is imposed on them they'll be solvent to make up with that. However the same might not be the case with Mason town residents. Whatif they are not as rich as hayesworth's residents. In that case these fines might be daunting for them and they would not want to have this law or probably might prefer to switch to some other localities. Hence, there's a need to analysis the icnome levels of residents at Masontown and then decide whether having a fine attached with the law is warranted or not.
Moreover, it has been cited that advertising campaigns should be implemented to encourage residents to recycle waste and corroborate in saving waste disposal cost. However, unncessarily a lot of effort will be wasted in the campaign firstly for organising it and secondly for disposing all the posters, pamphlets and etc. Again, we all are aware that a campaign would definitely require a lot of money for various meeting, banners or probably just posters to name a few. Instead of all this wastage of money wouldn't it be more rational to use that money for installing a recylcle plant which would rather prove to be better idea and might even obviate passing a law to reduce wastage in society.
To conclude, the editors suggestion does infer that reducing waste in society is a an imporatnt responsibilty. however his assertions for pass a law and encourage more recycling at masontown is not fully justified because of the gaps and assumptions that can be important.
Sentence: First of all, it has been mentioned that to reduce teh municipal garbage cost residents in Masontown need to be encouraged.
Error: teh Suggestion: ?
Sentence: Again, we can not conclude that teh cost for garbage disposal in hayestown decreased because of the law passed last year since there is no mention how many people were living in that society last year and how many are still staying in the society.
Error: teh Suggestion: ?
Sentence: Therefore, rather than passing the law one needs to asses the state of Mason town resident and need to collaborate with all the residents and draw out a concensus whether they will be willing to have a law like hayesworth passed in their society.
Error: concensus Suggestion: consensus
Sentence: Again, nothing is being discussed about teh income of the residents.
Error: teh Suggestion: ?
Sentence: Whatif all or most of the residents of Hayesworth were rich, then they wouldn'yt have had any problem with the law and its fine since even if any fine is imposed on them they'll be solvent to make up with that.
Error: yt Suggestion: ?
Sentence: Hence, there's a need to analysis the icnome levels of residents at Masontown and then decide whether having a fine attached with the law is warranted or not.
Error: icnome Suggestion: income
Sentence: However, unncessarily a lot of effort will be wasted in the campaign firstly for organising it and secondly for disposing all the posters, pamphlets and etc. Again, we all are aware that a campaign would definitely require a lot of money for various meeting, banners or probably just posters to name a few.
Error: unncessarily Suggestion: unnecessarily
Sentence: Instead of all this wastage of money wouldn't it be more rational to use that money for installing a recylcle plant which would rather prove to be better idea and might even obviate passing a law to reduce wastage in society.
Error: recylcle Suggestion: recycle
Sentence: To conclude, the editors suggestion does infer that reducing waste in society is a an imporatnt responsibilty. however his assertions for pass a law and encourage more recycling at masontown is not fully justified because of the gaps and assumptions that can be important.
Error: responsibilty Suggestion: responsibility
Error: imporatnt Suggestion: important
Error: masontown Suggestion: mason own
flaws:
Is the second paragraph an introduction or an argument?
If it is for introduction, then it is too long and could be removed.
if it is for argument, it is a wrong argument.
try this pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: argument 1
para 3: argument 2
para 4: argument 3
para 5: conclusion
No. of Words: 555 350
Write the essay in 30 minutes. For issue essays, around 450 words, for argument essays, around 400 words.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 11 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 555 350
No. of Characters: 2581 1500
No. of Different Words: 247 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.854 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.65 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.474 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 169 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 132 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.429 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.164 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.301 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.523 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.12 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5