The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing. "During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
Vice president of Quiot Manufacturing in his memo concludes that by reducing one hour each from the three work shifts would help the company to reduce the on-the-job accidents. To prove his point, he mentioned that a nearby Panoply Industries plant did the same and they saw reduction in number of accidents. The argument made by the vice president rests on series of assumptions that are unpersuasive and illogical and this would be proved in the following essay:
First, the memo states that there were 30 percent more on-the-job accidents in Quiot Manufacturing compare to Panoply Industries plant. 30 percent is a vague way to describe a fact, because the percent depends on the amount of people who were taken into consideration. There is no mention of the number of people that works in both of these companies. It could happen that the number of workers in Panoply Industries plant are less compare to Quiot Manufacturing, so the percent gain for Quiot Manufacturing is greater. Unless, a proper number is mention it would be difficult to assume that a greater number of people were harm in Quiot Manufacturing.
Secondly, the memo claims that on-the-job accident in Panoply Industries plant were less because they reduce the work shifts by one hour. There is no mention of the total number of hours in work shift at Panoply Industries plant. It could happen that the number of work shift hours at Panoply Industries plant are more than Quiot Manufacturing. So, to make equal number of hours as Quiot Manufacturing, Panoply Industries plant might have reduced their work shifts.
Furthermore, experts claims that on-the-job accidents happen due to fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. First, who are these experts and from where have they came to such a conclusion is not mention in the memo. Secondly, besides these factors there are other factors which may cause accidents like, workers were not paying attention, outdated equipments and technologies being used, no safety feature in the machinery, and much more. So, vice president should consider all these facts before coming to any final judgement.
In conclusion, vice presidents should carefuly analyses all the above mention facts before coming to any final judgement. By reducing one hour it would affect the profits of the company and a proper cost analysis should be perform. Vice president should think of a larger picture and not immediate benefits, because what worked at Panoply Industries plant, we are not sure that it would worked at Quiot Manufacturing.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 416 350
No. of Characters: 2081 1500
No. of Different Words: 178 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.516 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.002 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.652 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 149 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 105 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.111 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.571 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.366 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.366 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.17 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 521, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Unless” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ain for Quiot Manufacturing is greater. Unless, a proper number is mention it would be...
^^^^^^
Line 6, column 224, Rule ID: SHOULD_BE_DO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'performed'?
Suggestion: performed
...ny and a proper cost analysis should be perform. Vice president should think of a large...
^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 388, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: 'work'
Suggestion: work
...es plant, we are not sure that it would worked at Quiot Manufacturing.
^^^^^^
Line 6, column 419, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...it would worked at Quiot Manufacturing.
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, first, furthermore, if, may, second, secondly, so, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2131.0 2260.96107784 94% => OK
No of words: 416.0 441.139720559 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.12259615385 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.51620172871 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.74883880642 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 183.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.439903846154 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 658.8 705.55239521 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.0096819665 57.8364921388 88% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.388888889 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.1111111111 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.05555555556 5.70786347227 71% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.414778878432 0.218282227539 190% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.141622246897 0.0743258471296 191% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.108754430543 0.0701772020484 155% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.228967384597 0.128457276422 178% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0899548515637 0.0628817314937 143% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.71 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.32 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 67.0 98.500998004 68% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.