The following appeared in a memo at XYZ company.
"When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating résumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine.”
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author argues that it is a mistake that using Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany since eight years ago when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the laid off workers found jobs within a year at that time. Besides, the author declares that Delany is clearly superior as evidenced by its bigger staff and a larger number of branch offices, and Delany’s clients took an advantage of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh’s clients took nine last year. However, there is more evidence needed to strengthen the argument.
First of all, the evidence of the working situations and hiring marketing of eight years and present is needed to support the evidence. Although when XYZ was using Walsh eight years ago, only half of the workers laid off at that time found within a year, the situation may be different nowadays since there might be an economic depression eight years ago, which was difficult to find a new job. Therefore, more evidence of the market situation of today and right years ago is needed to prove that Walsh did not do well recently.
In addition, the evidence of the superior conditions of Delany is helpful for XYZ company is needed. Although the author indicates that Delany is clearly superior because of its bigger staff and the larger number of branch offices. There might be a situation where those superior staff and greater facilities do not work well, instead those workers strive to find a job. Besides, the description of the company situation of Walsh should be needed since the author does not mention anything about it, thus the comparison between the two companies lacks evidence to support the argument.
Finally, although the author illustrates that Delany’s clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh’s clients took nine, the evidence of these two groups of clients’ information and situation should be provided because maybe most of Walsh’s clients were not in such a hurry to find a new job, instead they took a rest for about three or four months, the overall time took longer, not the period of finding a new job. Therefore, the same background of clients
from the two companies should be provided to strengthen the argument in order to have a fair comparison.
In general, in order to support the argument that it is incorrect to using Walsh instead of Delany, various evidence should be provided, containing the market or hiring situation in present and eight years ago, the fancy facilities of Delany exact generate positive influences and the same background of clients in Walsh and Delany in order to keep a fair comparison.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 444 350
No. of Characters: 2108 1500
No. of Different Words: 167 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.59 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.748 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.384 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 157 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31.714 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 19.211 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.786 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.398 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.632 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.125 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 74, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... working situations and hiring marketing of eight years and present is needed to ...
^^
Line 3, column 188, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...hen XYZ was using Walsh eight years ago, only half of the workers laid off at tha...
^^^
Line 3, column 289, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...n a year, the situation may be different nowadays since there might be an economi...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 195, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...superior because of its bigger staff and the larger number of branch offices. The...
^^
Line 5, column 291, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...situation where those superior staff and greater facilities do not work well, ins...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 395, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rkers strive to find a job. Besides, the description of the company situation of ...
^^
Line 5, column 493, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...needed since the author does not mention anything about it, thus the comparison b...
^^^
Line 7, column 187, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...evidence of these two groups of clients’ information and situation should be prov...
^^
Line 7, column 384, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... about three or four months, the overall time took longer, not the period of find...
^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: From
...fore, the same background of clients from the two companies should be provided to...
^^^^
Line 10, column 70, Rule ID: IT_IS_JJ_TO_VBG[1]
Message: Did you mean 'use'?
Suggestion: use
...rt the argument that it is incorrect to using Walsh instead of Delany, various evi...
^^^^^
Line 10, column 92, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...t is incorrect to using Walsh instead of Delany, various evidence should be provi...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, finally, first, however, if, may, so, then, therefore, thus, well, whereas, in addition, in general, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2177.0 2260.96107784 96% => OK
No of words: 444.0 441.139720559 101% => OK
Chars per words: 4.90315315315 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.5903493882 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.47811109834 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 182.0 204.123752495 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.40990990991 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 656.1 705.55239521 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 0.0 4.96107784431 0% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 34.0 22.8473053892 149% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 105.43547341 57.8364921388 182% => OK
Chars per sentence: 167.461538462 119.503703932 140% => OK
Words per sentence: 34.1538461538 23.324526521 146% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.38461538462 5.70786347227 164% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 12.0 5.25449101796 228% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0915061486695 0.218282227539 42% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0414518501002 0.0743258471296 56% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0439725376807 0.0701772020484 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0549460590552 0.128457276422 43% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0323508201138 0.0628817314937 51% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.7 14.3799401198 130% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.43 48.3550499002 94% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.4 12.197005988 126% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.73 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.74 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 68.0 98.500998004 69% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.6 11.1389221557 140% => OK
text_standard: 16.0 11.9071856287 134% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.