The following appeared in a memorandum from the manager of WWAC radio station.
"To reverse a decline in listener numbers, our owners have decided that WWAC must change from its current rock-music format. The decline has occurred despite population growth in our listening area, but that growth has resulted mainly from people moving here after their retirement. We must make listeners of these new residents. We could switch to a music format tailored to their tastes, but a continuing decline in local sales of recorded music suggests limited interest in music. Instead we should change to a news and talk format, a form of radio that is increasingly popular in our area."
The writer concludes that instead switching the music format tailored to the people's tastes, we should change to a news and talk format, a form of radio that is increasingly popular in our area. In order to support his conclusion, he has cited various evidences such as declining in local sales of recorded music and the growth of the people who were mainly retired. Although, these evidences appear to bolster the argument presented above, a meticulous analysis will show otherwise. So the author needs to present more specific evidences in order to make his argument to hold water.
First of all, the author has not presented the statistics of by how much the local sales of recorded music is decling. Perhaps, he is just presenting his personal views. If it is his totally individual perception, then the way he came into the conclusion might be logical and true.One the other hand, even if he was presenting the official data, he has not mentioned the authority which has conducted the research, possibly, it might be counterfeit data. Additionally, even if it was conducted by a trustworthy intitution, it is possible that, the cardinal reason for delcining the local sales of recorded music is because of the advancement of modern technology. If they find it in youtube or Netflix, then they won't go to buy recorded music.
Second of all, despite the population growth mailny resulted from peolpe moving here after retirement, the author unwarrantly assumed here the retired population are of older age. One the other hand, he has assumed that older population doesn't like rock music, it is possible that, despite of older age, they have predisposition to like rock music. For example, in my area, there are so many older age people who specifically like rock music. In the area, where the author is talking, it might be the same.
Thid of all, the author has not mentioned why the number of listener is declining. The author need to find the primary reason for declining. Instead of targeting new people, they can retrive the old listeners. Indeed, the quality of the music might be another key factor for declining the listeners. So the author must present the quality of the music. Only when we can go into the conclusion.
In sum, due to the absence of especific evidences presented above, the author's conclusion doesn't hold water. In order to make his argument more sound and more persuasive, he must cite the especific evidences above. Without these evidences, I cannot agree with the author's conclusion.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 12 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 429 350
No. of Characters: 2038 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.551 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.751 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.583 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 106 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.152 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.409 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.312 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.531 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.161 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 21, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
The writer concludes that instead switching the music format ...
^^
Line 1, column 86, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...the music format tailored to the peoples tastes, we should change to a news and t...
^^
Line 1, column 553, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...sent more specific evidences in order to make his argument to hold water. Fir...
^^
Line 3, column 282, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: One
...he conclusion might be logical and true.One the other hand, even if he was presenti...
^^^
Line 3, column 484, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rfeit data. Additionally, even if it was conducted by a trustworthy intitution, i...
^^
Line 5, column 238, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...d, he has assumed that older population doesnt like rock music, it is possible that, ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 261, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...older population doesnt like rock music, it is possible that, despite of older ag...
^^
Line 7, column 13, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
..., it might be the same. Thid of all, the author has not mentioned why the num...
^^
Line 7, column 95, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ber of listener is declining. The author need to find the primary reason for decl...
^^
Line 9, column 72, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...specific evidences presented above, the authors conclusion doesnt hold water. In order ...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 91, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...presented above, the authors conclusion doesnt hold water. In order to make his argume...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 265, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...hese evidences, I cannot agree with the authors conclusion.
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, if, second, so, then, for example, such as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2104.0 2260.96107784 93% => OK
No of words: 425.0 441.139720559 96% => OK
Chars per words: 4.95058823529 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54043259262 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6761600337 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 207.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.487058823529 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 675.0 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 4.96107784431 282% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 61.0936146587 57.8364921388 106% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.6363636364 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.3181818182 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.86363636364 5.70786347227 50% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 12.0 5.25449101796 228% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.134905306379 0.218282227539 62% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0375227069369 0.0743258471296 50% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0428144916234 0.0701772020484 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0727469670002 0.128457276422 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0487528759675 0.0628817314937 78% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.43 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.22 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 98.0 98.500998004 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.