The claims made by the vice president of Health Naturally that ultimately recommends it opens a new store in Plainsville lacks evidence to support their recommendation. On the whole, it lacks evidence to support the claims and these will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
Firstly, the author of the memo stated that they experience higher profits at stores in areas where residents are more concerned with leading healthy lives. They go on to report that merchants in Plainsville have all-time-high sales on running shoes and exercise equipment. However, this data is incomplete. Further investigation on who are buying these equipment and what they are using it for is more crucial than how many items are being purchased. Could it be residents of Plainsville are purchasing such items as gifts? Or are they purchasing it for themselves?
Next, citing evidence that weight-training and aerobics classes are always full is inadequate. Here, it lacks data on how big classes are. Could it be that classes only allow up to 5 people per session? If this is so, an aerobics class can be filled up very quickly, as such the health club can report that classes are fully booked all the time.
Moving on, the memo states that school children are required to participate in a Fitness for Life program. However, this does guarantee that these children will continue such a lifestyle after they graduate. Moreover, there isn’t any data to show what percentage of children attend school. It could be that 90% of children in Plainsville do not attend school and are home-schooled. Therefore, they are not required to participate in this fitness program. As such, this piece of evidence is inadequate to support the recommendation to open up a new store.
Lastly, the memo mainly talks about exercising, but it does not mention any data on healthy eating. As Health Naturally sells health food, the vice president should cite some data on healthy eating of residents in Plainsville. If data show that residents are conscious about eating healthy and respond positively to having such a store in their town, this will be able to strengthen the vice president’s recommendation of opening a store in Plainsville.
To sum, the vice president of Health Naturally should consider conducting surveys to collect appropriate data and then further investigate if opening a new store in Plainsville will be profitable for the company.
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 399 350
No. of Characters: 1976 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.469 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.952 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.829 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 106 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.136 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.945 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.455 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.281 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.548 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.084 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 349, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this equipment' or 'these equipments'?
Suggestion: this equipment; these equipments
...Further investigation on who are buying these equipment and what they are using it for is more ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, however, if, lastly, moreover, so, then, therefore, on the whole
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 37.0 28.8173652695 128% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2043.0 2260.96107784 90% => OK
No of words: 398.0 441.139720559 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.13316582915 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.46653527281 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.91788172079 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 191.0 204.123752495 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.479899497487 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 630.9 705.55239521 89% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 49.6208142478 57.8364921388 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 92.8636363636 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.0909090909 23.324526521 78% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.86363636364 5.70786347227 68% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.157412088994 0.218282227539 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0443171507423 0.0743258471296 60% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0771258037377 0.0701772020484 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.10016881849 0.128457276422 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0740057327014 0.0628817314937 118% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.8 14.3799401198 82% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.18 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.02 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.