The following appeared on the Mozart School of Music Web site.
“The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians.”
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
On the website of music school can be seen some of reasons for enrollment. It is said that because of these reasons the choice of this school should the priority of parents wanting their children to learn music. There are some questions and ambiguities in the reasons given and I believe that they are not enough persuasive and valid to make school stand out from their rivals.
Firstly, it is mentioned that for admission of Mozart School there no need for children to have audition. How do they understand whether a student has enough talent for learning music or not? There is no mention to the factors considered for choosing students. Is such school reliable for improvement of students ‘music skill? Why they do not take an exam for assessment of students ‘ability? Whether as they do not have audition for admission tend to get more money compared to other schools? It is not rational reason for this subject. There is no information about the qualifications required for entering such school. One of the indications for the excellence of the school is the assessment of students based on their merits. Also, there no information about the students graduated. There is no information about their feedback and their performance. As a result, because of ambiguities in this part, the second reason cannot be very attractive, as all music schools usually cover different types of musical instruments and different types of music styles.
In the website one of the reason for enrolling is that “many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians”. Is there any information about this subject on the website? Whether or not parents or students can have access to the graduated through Email to know about the performance of school. The third reason had been more valid and persuasive if individuals would have been able to have access to graduates to get their feedback.
Also, there has been not mentioned that parents can visit the picture of the school and its facilities or it has not pointed out parents can closely visit the schools in specific time to be ensured that the information given about the facilities of school is true. How do parents trust?
It is mention that the school has the most distinguished musician in the area. There is no information about the name and the performance of musician. Also, how can they ensure that the musicians in school are acceptable by parents? According to what factors, officials believe that such musicians are unique. It is possible that some parents have enough information about musicians and for them the musicians employed in school are not valid and acceptable enough.
In conclusion, in my view, if the school wants to conceive more parents for enrolment of their children, officials have to resolve all the problems mentioned above and try to answer all the question in the writing to improve its website.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 489 350
No. of Characters: 2375 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.702 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.857 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.621 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 170 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.111 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.086 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.259 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.29 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.389 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.074 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 44, Rule ID: MOST_SOME_OF_NNS[1]
Message: After 'some of', you should use 'the' ('some of the reasons') or simply say ''some reasons''.
Suggestion: some of the reasons; some reasons
...the website of music school can be seen some of reasons for enrollment. It is said that because...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 379, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ake school stand out from their rivals. Firstly, it is mentioned that for admiss...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 214, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'Whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: Whether
...tion about this subject on the website? Whether or not parents or students can have access to ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 404, Rule ID: IF_WOULD_HAVE_VBN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'had been'?
Suggestion: had been
...ore valid and persuasive if individuals would have been able to have access to graduates to get...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, if, second, so, third, well, in conclusion, as a result, in my view
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 19.6327345309 127% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2441.0 2260.96107784 108% => OK
No of words: 489.0 441.139720559 111% => OK
Chars per words: 4.9918200409 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70248278971 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71373918726 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 201.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.411042944785 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 747.0 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 2.0 8.76447105788 23% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 57.7170145823 57.8364921388 100% => OK
Chars per sentence: 90.4074074074 119.503703932 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.1111111111 23.324526521 78% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.2962962963 5.70786347227 58% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 12.0 4.67664670659 257% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.312272334508 0.218282227539 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0926074563803 0.0743258471296 125% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.069106033821 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.168202483475 0.128457276422 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0700076464005 0.0628817314937 111% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 14.3799401198 77% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 61.67 48.3550499002 128% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 12.197005988 75% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.37 12.5979740519 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.66 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 97.0 98.500998004 98% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.