In the article, the author suggests The Monarch Book open a cafe. To support this view, the manager cites the benefit of a cafe to attract more customers as well as the necessary competition against the main rival in the local, the Regal Books. As for the room of the cafe, the manager suggests canceling the children's book section. However, It might not work well and cause some unexpected results.
First, the manager failed to prove enough evidence to show the opening cafe would attract more customers. If the cafe could be the appealing part of the BookStore, then this suggestion could be valid. However, there is no obvious evidence suggesting the cafe would contribute to attracting the customer. The locals might not like coffee, let alone going to the cafe. Additionally, The cost of decoration and payment for the waiters and the cook could be a considerable expense.
Additionally, closing the children's book section might incur the disappointment of children and their parents, leading to the drop in the revenue. There could be a considerable number of children favor this book section, along with their parents. If the Monarch Book close the section for the cafe, children and their parents might turn to other bookstores and cause the decreasing revenue of the bookstore.
What's more, the result of a national census might not apply to this area. Since the census covers a broad area, including areas where there are of the high percentage of children under 10 years old in the total population and those areas in which the rate is low. Therefore, the national census cannot reveal the real situation of this area, nor the rate of children in the total number of customer. Additionally, Even if the percentage of the children under ten in the surrounding area was dropped, it cannot guarantee the total number of children in this area would drop. Since the total population of children might rise while the rate of children drops.
Finally, the author overlooks other methods to compete with the rival such as giving customers some discount on a special day. Those methods would also help to gain more customers and save more budget at the same time.
To wrap it up, this suggestion is impractical for the absence of evidence that opening the cafe would attract the customer as well as misinterpretation of the result of the national census and possible negative effect brought by a cancellation of children's book section. To strengthen the reliability of this suggestions, detailed data about the possible increased number of the customer should be cited as well as more solid evidence for the decrease of future children population to prove the necessity to remove the children's book section.
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK, but better to put together with argument 2:
Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten.
argument 4 -- maybe
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flaws:
also need to argue:
Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 454 350
No. of Characters: 2213 1500
No. of Different Words: 197 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.616 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.874 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.616 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.619 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.614 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.613 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Two successive sentences begin with the same adverb. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ok could be a considerable expense. Additionally, closing the childrens book section mig...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: What's
...decreasing revenue of the bookstore. Whats more, the result of a national census m...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 576, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Since” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...er of children in this area would drop. Since the total population of children might ...
^^^^^
Line 13, column 305, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...ction. To strengthen the reliability of this suggestions, detailed data about the p...
^^^^
Line 13, column 322, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...hen the reliability of this suggestions, detailed data about the possible increas...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, however, if, look, so, then, therefore, well, while, as for, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 3.0 13.6137724551 22% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 23.0 16.3942115768 140% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2278.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 454.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.01762114537 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61598047577 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67196505079 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 201.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.442731277533 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 702.9 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.4986232429 57.8364921388 103% => OK
Chars per sentence: 108.476190476 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.619047619 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.09523809524 5.70786347227 89% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.101818857448 0.218282227539 47% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0393798029108 0.0743258471296 53% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0480549890826 0.0701772020484 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0665975560279 0.128457276422 52% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0396725571435 0.0628817314937 63% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.84 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.02 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 96.0 98.500998004 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.