The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books."Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all su

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The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

In the passage, the business manager proposes to replace current children’s book section with café to prevent the competitor from entering market of book sales in Collegeville. In order to prove that prediction is cogent, the author needs to provide more evidences that opening café in the store will indeed help to ward off Book and Bean from opening their own business. There is a need to provide at least three pieces of evidence to bolster the conclusion. First, that opening café inside the bookstore will indeed stave off Book and Bean from opening. Second, that liquidation of children’s section will not prevent current customers from visiting the store. And third, that recent national census is applicable to Collegeville and will indeed indicate decline in children’s population under age of ten.

Firstly, the manager mentioned that Book and Bean company have already announced their plans to open the store, supposedly, they did a thorough marketing research and compiled business plan. Thus, the author’s assumption that opening café in Monarch Book will stave off Book and Bean from opening is unwarranted. Even if, Monarch Book Company does away with children’s section and opens café, there is no guarantee that the competitor would decide to change their plans.

Secondly, Monarch book have established large customer base during twenty year in operation but it is quite possible that much of customers visit the store with children under ten because of children’s book section. And once children’s book section is eliminated, customers with children will not be interested in visiting the store; therefore, Monarch book will lose customers. Also, the business manager didn’t mention if Book and Bean store have children’s section in plans as in case they do, customers with children will go to the competitor, which result in profit will lose for Monarch books. Plus, ambiance of Monarch Books store would change once children’s book section is eliminated which will certainly reflect on customer’s preferences.

Thirdly, the author mentioned about national survey, however, the results of survey can vary for Collegeville as national surveys take into account the average of the whole nation. For example, in city A, B and C could be decline and in Collegeville could be growth in children’s population, but national survey’s average would show decline, therefore, the survey would render wrong results for the business manager’s purposes.

As a result, the Monarch book business manager needs to dig deeply into analysis of current situation and find more evidence to support his conclusion. The argument as it stands at the moment is not cogent and has many flaws. The author needs to provide evidence that Book and bean would change their plans with opening the store in Collegeville once Monarch Book would open café inside existing book store, as quite possible that the city have enough customers for two and even more book businesses. The author needs to make sure that elimination of children’s section will not steer away current customers and that national survey is applicable to Collegeville current situation.

Votes
Average: 6.6 (5 votes)
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Comments

Book and Bean company have already announced
Book and Bean company has already announced

Monarch book have established large customer base
Monarch book has established large customer base

argument 1 -- how did you get this: 'there is no guarantee that the competitor would decide to change their plans'. Don't refer something new.

argument 2 -- OK

argument 3 -- OK

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 504 350
No. of Characters: 2587 1500
No. of Different Words: 207 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.738 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.133 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.523 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 191 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 155 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.526 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.635 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.386 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.594 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5