The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this aplication, the author points out that jazz music is popular in Monroe city. He/She also projects that Monroe can get tremendous profit from opening a jazz music club. To bolster this assertion, the author renders the fact that last summer over 100,000 people attended annual jazz festival. To further support this projection, the author also mentions ‘Jazz Nightly’ is highest-rated radio program in Monroe. The note also cites that typical jazz fan spends about $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. Close scrutiny of each of these facts reveals that none of them lends credible support to the projection as it stands.
Assuming that at one time, last year, over 100,000 people attended annual jazz festival, the author infers similar condition in the future, but it is not necessarily the case. If it transpires, for example, that more attrcative entertainments open in Monroe or most of people cannot afford cost of jazz music entertainments, then the author’s conclusion is uncalled for.
The author fails to indicate who rates program in the city of Monroe. Also, we are not informed how programs in Monroe get their audiences feedbacks. If it turns out, for instance, that only young people or students rated radio programs, then the author’s projection is uncompeling at best. In short, before I can determine the extent to which the article supports the projection, I need more evidence about how radio pragrams were evaluated.
A nationalwide study methodology is problematic is some aspects. First, it does not indicate how much a jazz fan spends for a jazz music club. It is entirely possible, a jazz fan spends most of this money for buying jazz music online. If it did, then the author’s assertion is unjustified. Second, we are not informed, where they did this study. Due to economical and geologocal differences between cities, we can not assume a similar condition in all cities.
In sum, the application relies on scvant evidence and questionable study that renders it unconvincing and ill grounded as it stands. The argument would have been stronger had it provided more information respecting people in Monroe and other radio programs.
Sentence: In this aplication, the author points out that jazz music is popular in Monroe city.
Error: aplication Suggestion: application
Sentence: If it transpires, for example, that more attrcative entertainments open in Monroe or most of people cannot afford cost of jazz music entertainments, then the author's conclusion is uncalled for.
Error: attrcative Suggestion: attractive
Sentence: If it turns out, for instance, that only young people or students rated radio programs, then the author's projection is uncompeling at best.
Error: uncompeling Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: In short, before I can determine the extent to which the article supports the projection, I need more evidence about how radio pragrams were evaluated.
Error: pragrams Suggestion: programs
Sentence: A nationalwide study methodology is problematic is some aspects.
Error: nationalwide Suggestion: nationalize
Sentence: Due to economical and geologocal differences between cities, we can not assume a similar condition in all cities.
Error: geologocal Suggestion: geological
Sentence: In sum, the application relies on scvant evidence and questionable study that renders it unconvincing and ill grounded as it stands.
Error: scvant Suggestion: scant
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Condition 1:
Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself.
Argument 1:
doesn't mean C-note can take whole local market. maybe C-note is not good enough.
Condition 2:
Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M.
Argument 2:
here you can have a lot to argue against. for example, a lot of people outside of the city came to this festival last year.
Condition 3:
Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
Argument 3:
a nationwide study may not apply to Monroe.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 356 350
No. of Characters: 1760 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.344 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.944 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.662 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.8 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.732 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.55 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.324 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.127 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5