The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
A group of business developers, in the application for a small-business loan in the city of Monroe, recommend that investment in a jazz club in this city could be an extremely successful business due to the popularity of this musical style in Monroe. In order to support their recommendation, developers have presented several pieces of evidence. While it is tempting to believe that the recommendation stated in the argument is plausible, it would be fallacious to do so. The missing evidence has made holes in the reasoning of this argument.
To begin, a group of developers, claim that there is a big jazz festival in Monroe that every year attracts over 100000 visitors. However, this evidence cannot be a warranty that the C-Note jazz club would be popular during the whole year. It might be that the population of the city of Monroe is not in a great number, and; therefore, the local market is not enough for a jazz club to be a really profitable enterprise. Maybe this city is just full of jazz fans only during the festival and during the year is it just a tranquil small city. In addition, business developers state that the fact that the nearest jazz club to Monroe is 65 miles away represents an opportunity for the C-Note to be extremely successful. Maybe there is a big city 65 miles away which could have a really great market for jazz music and where a jazz club is a greatly profitable enterprise. If either of these scenarios has merit, then the conclusion drawn in the original argument is significantly weakened.
Furthermore, this argument indicates that there are several eminent jazz musicians who live in Monroe. It might be that they have chosen Monroe as their place for living due to the fact that it is a city of jazz which can inspire them to create their music. If the assumption that Monroe is a small city is true, it could also be true that it has a beautiful nature which makes it a great place for living. This could be an enough reason for jazz stars to live in Monroe, which does not mean that they perform in the city before and after the festival.
Further, the group of developers, in order to support their application for a small-business loan, states that the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is “Jazz Nightly’. While, it is expected that the city which has such a great jazz festival, has also the best jazz radio program, it is obvious that this program is not the highest-rated on the local level, but it is tempting to expect that its popularity is on national and international level as well. This fact is an approve that the radio cannot be enough reason for opening C-Note club in Monroe.
Finally, in this argument it is claimed that, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan yearly spends around $1,000 on jazz. The fact that it is a nationwide study, shows that its results cannot be applicable only for a city of Monroe, but rather on the whole country. To discover what is the real situation of jazz in the city of Monroe, there should be conducted a study about the popularity of jazz among the citizens of Monroe. The number of participants in the survey should be great enough to provide reliable information.
In conclusion, the argument, as it stands now, is considerably flawed due to its reliance on few unwarranted assumptions. If a group of developers can provide more evidence about the size of the city of Monroe and the place where is the nearest jazz club, the popularity of jazz among the residents of Monroe, the concerts of musical jazz stars who live in Monroe and who is the audience of the ‘Jazz Nightly’ program, then it will be possible to fully evaluate their recommendation.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 647 350
No. of Characters: 2958 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.043 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.572 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.629 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 187 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 128 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.958 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.088 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.542 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.344 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.545 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 482, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...ternational level as well. This fact is an approve that the radio cannot be enough reason ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 122, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...he typical jazz fan yearly spends around ,000 on jazz. The fact that it is a natio...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, furthermore, however, if, may, really, so, then, therefore, well, while, in addition, in conclusion, on the whole
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 43.0 19.6327345309 219% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 33.0 13.6137724551 242% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 61.0 28.8173652695 212% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 81.0 55.5748502994 146% => OK
Nominalization: 23.0 16.3942115768 140% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3052.0 2260.96107784 135% => OK
No of words: 647.0 441.139720559 147% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.7171561051 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.04343084457 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77798171027 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 241.0 204.123752495 118% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.372488408037 0.468620217663 79% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 963.9 705.55239521 137% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 65.4764456164 57.8364921388 113% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.166666667 119.503703932 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.9583333333 23.324526521 116% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.54166666667 5.70786347227 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 8.20758483034 195% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.444863115096 0.218282227539 204% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.137707497014 0.0743258471296 185% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.103732469989 0.0701772020484 148% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.258866499664 0.128457276422 202% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0710869479649 0.0628817314937 113% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.55 48.3550499002 111% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.39 12.5979740519 82% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.71 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 114.0 98.500998004 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.