The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe."A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; t

Essay topics:

The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

According to passage, a group of developer want to open a new jazz club in Monroe. Because existent jazz club is far away to Monroe, this sounds reasonable. The author is adding, jazz is one of the primary entertainment in Monroe and it is shown with some numbers such as the number of people attended jazz festival last summer and jazz fans spend around 1,000 dollars per year on jazz entertainment. With these numbers, it looks the jazz is very important and essential for people in Monroe. However, there are several points that need to be enlightened.

First of all, coming up with jazz festival in last summer, as everyone knows, festivals mean having fun in general. People join the festivals to meet new people and having good and high atmosphere. It does not mean that only fans attend the festivals. Of course, the majority of people in music festivals like that kind of music in this case which is jazz but it is not always true. There might be a lot of people who like to listen to music regardless jazz or rock or rap in the jazz festival. For this reason, number of people who attended jazz festival last summer cannot infer that the new jazz club would have majority of those people who were in jazz festival. Another point is that there is not any document or record which shows the people in jazz festival were from Monroe. There might be many people in the festival from other cities or states. Regarding this, if there were many people from other cities in the festival they would not go to new jazz club in Monroe. This hole must be filled up with evidences.

Secondly, high-rated radio program absolutely does not reflect that the city Monroe is the big fan of Jazz music. Broadcasts are generally national. It means that all people from CA to NY could reach this radio broadcast. There is no any evidence to support that majority of people who listen to radio from city Monroe.

Thirdly, it is mentioned that the typical jazz fan spends close to 1,000 dollars per year on jazz entertainment in nationwide analyses.
1,000 dollars is really much amount for spending on a music activity. It may be defended that jazz is popular music kind in the USA not in only Monroe because the study has conducted as a nationwide. It is not shown how many people who spend around 1,000 dollars for jazz in Monroe. This point also remained baseless.

As a conclusion, there are many unproven materials which may refer the new jazz club would be in demand much. Those are must be explained and evaluated in more realistic evidences and further analyses.

Votes
Average: 6.3 (3 votes)
Essay Categories
Essays by the user:

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
According to passage, a group of develop...
^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... points that need to be enlightened. First of all, coming up with jazz festiv...
^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...le must be filled up with evidences. Secondly, high-rated radio program absol...
^^^^
Line 5, column 236, Rule ID: NOW[2]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: now
...ld reach this radio broadcast. There is no any evidence to support that majority o...
^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ho listen to radio from city Monroe. Thirdly, it is mentioned that the typica...
^^^^^
Line 8, column 186, Rule ID: DT_JJ_NO_NOUN[1]
Message: Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
...nroe because the study has conducted as a nationwide. It is not shown how many people who sp...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... This point also remained baseless. As a conclusion, there are many unproven...
^^^^
Line 12, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...stic evidences and further analyses.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, look, may, really, regarding, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly, in general, kind of, of course, such as, first of all

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2127.0 2260.96107784 94% => OK
No of words: 454.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 4.68502202643 5.12650576532 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61598047577 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.38598722676 2.78398813304 86% => OK
Unique words: 196.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.431718061674 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 652.5 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.6868394465 57.8364921388 76% => OK
Chars per sentence: 81.8076923077 119.503703932 68% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.4615384615 23.324526521 75% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.84615384615 5.70786347227 102% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 8.20758483034 207% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.265805354644 0.218282227539 122% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0880487568454 0.0743258471296 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0673274100537 0.0701772020484 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.153379994894 0.128457276422 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0631813141834 0.0628817314937 100% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.4 14.3799401198 65% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 71.14 48.3550499002 147% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.6 12.197005988 62% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.63 12.5979740519 76% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.95 8.32208582834 84% => OK
difficult_words: 71.0 98.500998004 72% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?

---------------------

Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 454 350
No. of Characters: 2059 1500
No. of Different Words: 195 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.616 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.535 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.269 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 80 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.462 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.106 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.423 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.312 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.493 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.103 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5