The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; seve ral well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would argument concludes that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. However, that conclusion is based on a number of inadequately supported assumptions. Without further information about this jazz club being the only one in the area and jazz music being popular, we do not have sufficient evidence to determine whether the author’s conclusion is valid.
To begin the argument, the small business that is applying for a loan, claims that a new jazz club would have the local market all to itself because the nearest club is 60 miles from there. In other words, they think chances to get the customers are considerably big. It is possible that other powerful investors may build or open another jazz club not far from there-perhaps earlier than that. Further, there is a possibility that the club in distance is in its best time and might not lose any audience. If either of these scenarios are worth then the conclusion of profit in the main argument is weakened.
Secondly, the author claims that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. The opponents in this argument assume that over 100,000 people that attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer are a good reason for success. However, this might not be the case. Perhaps these people came for the festival from many distant cities and that’s why they might not be a potent indicator that jazz in Monroe is popular. In an ideal world, many people may love jazz, but the reality is such that they cannot do so due to other preferences or distances, then is no garanty jazz is loved by Monroe people. If the above is true, the argument is not valid.
In conclusion, the argument as it stands now is considerably flawed because is relying on several unwarranted assumptions. If the author is able to argument the two claims above and offer more evidence then it would be possible to fully evaluate the viability of the recommendation of opening a jazz club in Monroe.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 354 350
No. of Characters: 1673 1500
No. of Different Words: 176 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.338 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.726 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.568 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 84 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.714 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.331 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.069 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 506, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...t time and might not lose any audience. If either of these scenarios are worth the...
^^
Line 4, column 202, Rule ID: LESS_MORE_THEN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'than'?
Suggestion: than
...wo claims above and offer more evidence then it would be possible to fully evaluate ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tion of opening a jazz club in Monroe.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, in conclusion, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1716.0 2260.96107784 76% => OK
No of words: 354.0 441.139720559 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.84745762712 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.33761313653 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.65165174605 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 181.0 204.123752495 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.511299435028 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 541.8 705.55239521 77% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.0736982622 57.8364921388 93% => OK
Chars per sentence: 107.25 119.503703932 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.125 23.324526521 95% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.313930436771 0.218282227539 144% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0913642803012 0.0743258471296 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0825938889759 0.0701772020484 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.185391744089 0.128457276422 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0555108050437 0.0628817314937 88% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.3799401198 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.85 12.5979740519 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.89 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 71.0 98.500998004 72% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.