The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this argument, the author says that a jazz music club in Monroe would have lots of profits from local market and become a successful enterprise. The argument seems to be some validity at the first glance, but we immediately found out there are several logical mistakes throughout the whole article. My reasons can be substantiated by the incoming comments.
To begin with, the author claims that since the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, the proposed new jazz club would have the local market all to itself. However, we need more information about the population of Monroe. What if most people of Monroe live in 65 miles away? We have no evidence about how many people living near the new jazz club, C-Note. Even though the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, we cannot assert that there would be lots of people to go to C-Note.
Even if there are lots of people who living near C-Note, that is not to say, people living there all like to listen to jazz music or go to jazz club. We still have no evidence to prove this conclusion. For example, there was a music club in my hometown before. However, lots of people living in my hometown do not like to go to the club. That music club eventually closed down. Thus, we need more evidence about this issue.
Moreover, the author says that Jazz is popular in Monroe since lots of people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and there are lots of famous jazz-musician live in Monroe. However, there are lots of logical mistakes here. What if the people who attended Monroe's festival last summer not living in Monroe? It is possible that people who attended the festival just like the jazz music, they would not stay at Monroe for a long time. That is to say, the new jazz club cannot be profitable anytime.
Even if there lots of well-known musicians live in Monroe, it is not to say the music club and be benefited from them. For instance, I like the singer who live in Taipei which place I born. However, I never go to the music club in Taipei, because I can just listen his songs with my laptop or cellphone. There is no evidence that the musicians are related to the local music club.
Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fans spend lots of money per year on jazz entertainment. Nevertheless, it is not to say that the jazz fans who living in Monroe are same as the world's jazz fans. It is possible that the jazz fans who living in Monroe spend less money on jazz entertainment.
To sum up, the author would need to provide more evidence to strengthen the argument. Without such evidence, we cannot jump to the conclusion that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 486 350
No. of Characters: 2154 1500
No. of Different Words: 181 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.695 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.432 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.299 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.357 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.257 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.679 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.574 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.183 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, however, if, moreover, nevertheless, so, still, then, thus, well, for example, for instance, to begin with, to sum up, that is to say
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 72.0 55.5748502994 130% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2243.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 486.0 441.139720559 110% => OK
Chars per words: 4.61522633745 5.12650576532 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.69525374022 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.3972314921 2.78398813304 86% => OK
Unique words: 188.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.38683127572 0.468620217663 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 699.3 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 17.0 4.96107784431 343% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 39.3826725599 57.8364921388 68% => OK
Chars per sentence: 80.1071428571 119.503703932 67% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.3571428571 23.324526521 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.5 5.70786347227 96% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.343756624428 0.218282227539 157% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.114095585225 0.0743258471296 154% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0846411492769 0.0701772020484 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.198309918332 0.128457276422 154% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0464585487998 0.0628817314937 74% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.0 14.3799401198 63% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 71.14 48.3550499002 147% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.6 12.197005988 62% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.22 12.5979740519 73% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.69 8.32208582834 80% => OK
difficult_words: 68.0 98.500998004 69% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.