The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author in the passage concludes that "A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise." He presents a few reasons to justify his thought proccess and plans to set up a jazz music club. Though the business plan seems to be quite reasonable and convincing in the first glance, a deeper inspection of the ideas and careful scrutiny of the situation leads us to believe that the plan is laid on the premise of a few weak assumptions, three of which are discussed below.
Firstly, the author states that the nearest Jazz club in Monroe is 65 miles away- through which he assumes that he would have the local market all to himself. However, he is neglecting a very important assumption. Economists often refute a bussiness plan stating that a newly set up venture, however lucrative and promising as it may seem, can be rendered unprofitable, if there already exisits a similar business. The crux of the situation being, people of Monroe who have been visiting the already functional Jazz club for years now, are likely to be loyal towards thei tastes and preferences. Hence, however far the club may be, the consumers may choose it over the newly built one.
Secondly, the author goes on to say that "jazz is extremely popular in Monroe". He draws the evidence of a highly successful annual jazz festival of the last summer, well known jazz musicians being residents of Monroe and highest rated radio program of Monroe being 'Jazz Nightly'. While all these may sound to be quite convincing to set up a new business, each one can be challenged through a weak assumption. It can be possible that the last year's annual Jazz festival turned out to be superhit becasue it was organized in the middle of a holiday season. It can also be possible that people who had attended the festival last year would have different plans in the current one. Also the fact that reputed Jazz musicians reside in Monroe can turn into a bane rather than a boon. Since they are already reputed, it can be assumed that they already work somewhere- meaning that the C-note would have to hire inexperienced Jazz players, which would mean cut throat competition faced from the market. Lastly, since a daily radio show hosts "Jazz Nighlty" on every weeknight, people would prefer to be glued to the program from their home, rather than venturing out and spending money on a newly opened Jazz club. The main takeaway from the situation is the the city of Monroe already has well acclaimed set up for the common mass to enjoy Jazz music- setting up a new bussiness would mean challenging a clearly superior counterpart on the basis of unrealistic optimism.
Thirdly, the author presents a statistical data which says that "the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment." Again it is likely to be noted that a Jazz fan would continue to spend approximately $ 1000 even in years to come. A consumer is unlikely to allocate more moey from his budget set just to encourage a new bussiness. Since the $1000 is allocated on already operating shows and events, they would not want to move away from their previous choices. Thus, although the statistic is attractive enough, such a behaviour from the customers is sure to alleviate profits generated.
In conclusion, it shall be taken intoaccount that although the author has tried hard to substantiate his idea, a thorough analysis of the afforemetioned facotrs render the plan unimplementable. Thus, the bussiness model shall need more evidences, a thorough survey from the customers and a carefully designed market research. Only then can such a plan be transformed into a success.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 16 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 624 350
No. of Characters: 2954 1500
No. of Different Words: 304 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.998 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.734 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.591 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 200 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 149 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 100 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.96 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.664 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.68 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.297 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.491 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 511, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ave been visiting the already functional Jazz club for years now, are likely to b...
^^
Line 5, column 340, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'setting'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'convince' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: setting
... these may sound to be quite convincing to set up a new business, each one can be chal...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 689, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ave different plans in the current one. Also the fact that reputed Jazz musicians re...
^^^^
Line 5, column 1269, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
...The main takeaway from the situation is the the city of Monroe already has well acclaim...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1269, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
...The main takeaway from the situation is the the city of Monroe already has well acclaim...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 107, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...pos;the typical jazz fan spends close to ,000 per year on jazz entertainment.&apos...
^^
Line 7, column 236, Rule ID: CURRENCY_SPACE[1]
Message: The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: '$1000'.
Suggestion: $1000
...n would continue to spend approximately $ 1000 even in years to come. A consumer is un...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, hence, however, if, lastly, may, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, thus, well, while, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 33.0 19.6327345309 168% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 23.0 12.9520958084 178% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 77.0 55.5748502994 139% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3071.0 2260.96107784 136% => OK
No of words: 624.0 441.139720559 141% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.92147435897 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.99799879888 4.56307096286 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80632428632 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 312.0 204.123752495 153% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 945.0 705.55239521 134% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 64.4329636544 57.8364921388 111% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.52173913 119.503703932 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.1304347826 23.324526521 116% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.69565217391 5.70786347227 100% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.30646403754 0.218282227539 140% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.088119268622 0.0743258471296 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0752407915014 0.0701772020484 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.163379726814 0.128457276422 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0787174209082 0.0628817314937 125% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.53 48.3550499002 109% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.6 12.197005988 103% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.55 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.92 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 156.0 98.500998004 158% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.