MEMO: The director of Internatinal student affairs at Darrington College suggests that a new cafeteria must be constructed in the college premises.
In the given memo, the director of Internatinal student affairs at Darrington College suggests that a new cafeteria must be constructed in the college premises. The suggestion is based on the premise that the current cafeteria is old and caters only expensive items and dishes and concluding that construction of new cafeteria would help increase the college's popularity, surging the number of students applying to the college. However, the conclusion drawn by the director may hold water, it rests on several unfounded assumptions that, if not substantiated, dramatically weakens the persuasiveness of the argument. Hence, before we could evaluate the argument, the following must evidences must be provided.
First, is the cafeteria,such an important aspect, taken into account while choosing a college? Do students choose college solely based on the quality or affordibilty of the dishes served in cafe? Ot is highly likely that a plethora of factors contribute in decision regarding choosing one's college. Numerous factors such as fees, college ranking, courses offered, job prospects and college research scope contribute in decision-making. It is probable that cafe do account in facilities provided by the college but it certainly doest not precede the above stated factors. Perhaps, some students might opt for off-campus accomodation and in this case, cafeteria does not matter. If either of the above is true, then the conclusion drawn in the origianl argument is dramatically weakened. The director must produce data to back his premises.
Furthermore, the director claims that the current cafeteria is old and expensive. How old is the cafetria? Which dishes are served and at what costs? How does the cost compare relatively to other cafeteria in the vicinity? It is likely that the quality of food served precedes over the architecture and premise of the cafeteria. It is higly likely that students are health consiuous and most for them prefer home-made food and refrain from eating from cafeteria. Also, the costs of the dishes served is comparative to other cafes in the college and may be cheaper than other cafes. The wordings of the author is highly vague and unreliable. The auhor must furnish data regarding the construction of cafe and menus from other cafes to justify the claim. If the above is true, then the argument does not hold water.
Finnaly, the author concludes that new cafeteria would enhance the ranking of the college. Is cafeteria a valid parameter taken into account for college ranking? However, this might not be the case. Other factors might influence the ranking and therefore this claim cannot be validated. Unless the author furnishes statistical data to shows how rankings are accounted for, the validity and reliability of the claim accounted be checked. If the above is warranted, then the argument is weakened.
In conclusion, the argument as it stans now, is considerably flawed due to its reliance on several unwarranted assumptions. If the director is able to furnish the evidences demanded above and perhaps conduct a scientific study to check effects of new cafeteria, then we will be able to evaluate the viability of the given suggestion completely.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 30 15
No. of Words: 514 350
No. of Characters: 2635 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.761 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.126 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.77 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 200 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 168 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 114 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 72 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.133 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.082 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.27 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.431 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.082 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 352, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'colleges'' or 'college's'?
Suggestion: colleges'; college's
...f new cafeteria would help increase the colleges popularity, surging the number of stude...
^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...owing must evidences must be provided. First, is the cafeteria,such an importan...
^^^
Line 3, column 24, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , such
...be provided. First, is the cafeteria,such an important aspect, taken into account...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 286, Rule ID: ONES[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one's'?
Suggestion: one's
...ntribute in decision regarding choosing ones college. Numerous factors such as fees,...
^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ust produce data to back his premises. Furthermore, the director claims that th...
^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...then the argument does not hold water. Finnaly, the author concludes that new c...
^^^
Line 8, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ranted, then the argument is weakened. In conclusion, the argument as it stans ...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, regarding, so, then, therefore, while, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 11.1786427146 161% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2708.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 513.0 441.139720559 116% => OK
Chars per words: 5.27875243665 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75914943092 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88457006581 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 240.0 204.123752495 118% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.46783625731 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 865.8 705.55239521 123% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 19.7664670659 152% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 52.4415123945 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 90.2666666667 119.503703932 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.1 23.324526521 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.9 5.70786347227 68% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 16.0 4.67664670659 342% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.419983680017 0.218282227539 192% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0949041991838 0.0743258471296 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.152122877767 0.0701772020484 217% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.231704251209 0.128457276422 180% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.177742255194 0.0628817314937 283% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.0 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 45.76 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.73 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 138.0 98.500998004 140% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.