Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the argument claims that a diet rich in dairy products may increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis since a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of study have a higher rate of bone fractures, which are symptomatic of osteoporosis, than any other participants in the study. The author must provide some concrete evidence to support the argument.
Firstly, there must be evidence that the study result is accurate enough to support the argument. There must be evidence that the study consisted of equal proportion of the people who consumed a diet rich in dairy products and others who did not consume dairy products. There must be evidence that the people who consistently consumed dairy products are not working in dangerous sites where accidents take place which increases the rate of bone factures. There must be evidence that bone fractures that have occurred in the people who consistently consumed dairy products are only due to their age but not by external factors like accidents. If the author provides these above evidences, then it helps in strengthening the argument. Otherwise it weakens the argument.
Secondly, the author of the argument considers only bone fractures as a key factor in deciding if the a diet rich in dairy products will increase or decrease the risk of osteoporosis as they are symptomatic of osteoporosis. The author must provide evidence that bone fracture is the only symptom of osteoporosis and there are no other symptoms for osteoporosis. The author does not compare the bone strength of the people who consume a diet rich in the dairy products and others who don't consume dairy products as they become older. The author must providence evidence that bones of the people who consumed dairy products became weaker with age to support the argument.
The author must provide above evidences such as proving that the conducted study results are accurate and bone fractures caused in the people who consumed a diet rich in dairy products are mostly due to the increased age to support the argument.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 356 350
No. of Characters: 1770 1500
No. of Different Words: 131 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.344 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.972 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.618 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 127 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 98 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.799 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.462 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.499 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.622 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.251 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 158, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...osteoporosis since a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistentl...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 456, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ch increases the rate of bone factures. There must be evidence that bone fractures th...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 734, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Otherwise,
...it helps in strengthening the argument. Otherwise it weakens the argument. Secondly, t...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 99, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'a' is left.
Suggestion: the; a
...ractures as a key factor in deciding if the a diet rich in dairy products will increa...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 484, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...ch in the dairy products and others who dont consume dairy products as they become ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 511, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...d others who dont consume dairy products as they become older. The author must pr...
^^
Line 5, column 535, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...e dairy products as they become older. The author must providence evidence that bo...
^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...er with age to support the argument. The author must provide above evidences suc...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 22.0 13.6137724551 162% => OK
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 40.0 55.5748502994 72% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1802.0 2260.96107784 80% => OK
No of words: 355.0 441.139720559 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.07605633803 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.34067318298 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69395055068 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 137.0 204.123752495 67% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.385915492958 0.468620217663 82% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 585.9 705.55239521 83% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 0.0 4.96107784431 0% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 86.9247787444 57.8364921388 150% => OK
Chars per sentence: 138.615384615 119.503703932 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.3076923077 23.324526521 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.25886346774 0.218282227539 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.120744746264 0.0743258471296 162% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0883404468576 0.0701772020484 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.203571904926 0.128457276422 158% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0402100272385 0.0628817314937 64% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.2 14.3799401198 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 35.61 48.3550499002 74% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 12.197005988 123% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.48 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.78 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 63.0 98.500998004 64% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.