Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout
the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
As per the opponent's argument people who consume a diet rich in dairy products may increase the risk of osteoporosis. This argument is based on a study that has been conducted considering a larger population within a certain time period. The results of the study has depicted that people who had consumed a dairy rich diet within the period of study have eventually experienced bone fractures. To arrive at the opponent's conclusion, based on the results of the study few other facts should be considered as evidence.
Firstly, it should be evident that the considered sample population represents a variety of age groups and further the age (the range within the age falls in) of people who have undergone bone fractures needs to be presented. As osteoporosis is a medical condition that may arise in human body with age, it cannot be concluded that it is the diet which has caused the bone fractures. For an example, all people who have reported bone fractures might be above 60 years of age who can be considered as senior citizens. Thinking pragmatically, elderly people might get osteoporosis with their age, regardless of their diet. Further, the bone fractures of elderly people might not be due to osteoporosis but, may be due to some other accidents they have undergone with age due to their disabilities.
Secondly, evidence should be provided on the environmental conditions and genetical background of the people who have suffered from bone fractures. Since osteoporosis is a disease that rely on the environmental conditions, the opponent should make sure that the sample he considered is not biased to a certain environmental background. For an instance take, farmers who have been exposed to chemicals that are used during farming for a very long time. The impact of the chemicals on their health might have caused adverse medical conditions in their bodies. Similarly the set of people who have got bone fractures might be coming from a similar environment. Further, the opponent should prove that the group of people who have reported bone fractures do not possess similar genetical background. For an example, if they are from the same pedigree and osteoporosis is a medical condition inherited to them genetically then it cannot be proven that their dairy diet has caused this illness.
In conclusion, the argument, as it stands now is flawed by many disproven assumptions. For the opponent to prove the above stated conclusion more evidence needs to be provided. If the aforementioned evidences are provided and proven it will help evaluate the argument more effectively and arrive at a reasonable conclusion.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 432 350
No. of Characters: 2160 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.559 4.7
Average Word Length: 5 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.841 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 159 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 117 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 64 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.737 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.439 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.474 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.35 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.545 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As per the opponents argument people who c...
^^
Line 1, column 12, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'opponents'' or 'opponent's'?
Suggestion: opponents'; opponent's
As per the opponents argument people who consume a diet rich...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 280, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'opponents'' or 'opponent's'?
Suggestion: opponents'; opponent's
...ienced bone fractures. To arrive at the opponents conclusion, based on the results of the...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 126, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...onditions, the opponent should make sure that the sample he considered is not bia...
^^^
Line 8, column 127, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... an instance take, farmers who have been exposed to chemicals that are used durin...
^^^
Line 10, column 45, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Similarly,
...rse medical conditions in their bodies. Similarly the set of people who have got bone fra...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, if, may, second, secondly, similarly, so, then, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2218.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 432.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 5.13425925926 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55901411391 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.92642400824 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.428240740741 0.468620217663 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 718.2 705.55239521 102% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 36.3785879612 57.8364921388 63% => OK
Chars per sentence: 116.736842105 119.503703932 98% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7368421053 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.31578947368 5.70786347227 76% => OK
Paragraphs: 11.0 5.15768463074 213% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.170891397329 0.218282227539 78% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0620181858399 0.0743258471296 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0546315102964 0.0701772020484 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0768104152332 0.128457276422 60% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0460596429239 0.0628817314937 73% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 14.3799401198 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.77 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.02 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 98.500998004 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.