Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument provided in the prompt states that even though milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium, which are important for building and maintaining bones, they are not helpful in treating Osteoporosis. The assertion incorporates several underlying assumption, three of which are mentioned below, which needs to be substantiated with evidence to hold water.
Firstly, the argument states a study which concluded that a large number of people had higher rate of fractures even after consistently consuming milk and dairy products. But, are fracture rates an adequate measure of the strong bones, indirectly low osteoporosis. As stated, the disease can be linked to both environmental and genetic factors which results in weakening of the bones, thus, only underscoring fractures and not considering other symptoms is problematic. This in turn, puts doubt on the validity and meticulousness of the study. There are other symptoms as well, like joint pains, incorrect posture etc. which should also be considered in the study. Thus, until the study is comprehensive enough, and provides evidence for other symptoms, the assertion is not valid.
Secondly, even if we consider the rate of fractures as a valid parameter in determining the health of bones, there is no information provided regarding the activities undertaken by the people under study. If the study undertakes people involved in perilous activities like construction, adventure sports, weight-lifting etc., then if understood that the rate of fracture would be high. Consequently, it incorrect to blame milk and dairy products for these fractures. Therefore, evidence regarding the activities, jobs, hobbies, etc. is required to corroborate the assertion stated in the prompt. Until then, the study is dubious and, the argument fails to justify the claim.
Thirdly, the study does not provide any information regarding the amount of milk and dairy products undertaken, as well as other dietary components consumed, by the people under consideration. Maybe the amount of milk and dairy products consumed was subpar as per the requirement of an individual. Different bodies have different dietary requirements, and the amount of consumption plays and important role in determining the health. Moreover, there is no information regarding the other dietary components. Balanced diet is required for a heathy body, and if a person consuming junk food, while consuming milk and dairy products will gain weight. Consequently, putting more stress on bones and joints. Therefore, evidence regarding the amount of milk and dairy products, and the other components is required to hold the assertion credible.
Conclusively, the argument mentioned in the prompt incorporates many assumptions regarding the study cited, and needs to substantiated to hold true.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 434 350
No. of Characters: 2328 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.564 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.364 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.959 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 135 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 115 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 76 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.454 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.762 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.333 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.085 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 59, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...ent states a study which concluded that a large number of people had higher rate of fractures eve...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, firstly, if, may, moreover, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, third, thirdly, thus, well, while, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.9520958084 31% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 11.1786427146 179% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 8.0 28.8173652695 28% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2406.0 2260.96107784 106% => OK
No of words: 434.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 5.54377880184 5.12650576532 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56428161445 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.05347096548 2.78398813304 110% => OK
Unique words: 211.0 204.123752495 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.486175115207 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 740.7 705.55239521 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 53.4089688949 57.8364921388 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 104.608695652 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.8695652174 23.324526521 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.73913043478 5.70786347227 118% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.226733154862 0.218282227539 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0592161446077 0.0743258471296 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0830236572715 0.0701772020484 118% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.116274330259 0.128457276422 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0673903668722 0.0628817314937 107% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 14.3799401198 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.75 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.85 12.5979740519 118% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.39 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 106.0 98.500998004 108% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.