One year ago, Glengood Health Center in Turnville decided to start a health awareness program for its community. Since that time, Glengood's share of patients in the Turnville area has significantly increased. Further, a nationwide survey indicates that many people in the country are greatly interested in such awareness programs. Citing these facts, the manager of Carson Health Center in Poway has recommended that Carson should also start such health awareness programs of its own to attract more patients from its community.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure o explain how the answer to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The director of Carson Health Center in Poway has recommended the Center to include the health awareness programs same as that of the Glengood Health Center. He is suggesting these new programs by referring to apparent results seen by starting these health awareness programs in Turnville's Glengood Health Center. But, the assumptions and evidences that the director is considering for his decision are somewhat insufficient or even flawed in some ways. Some questions regarding the assumptions made need to be answered in order to agree with the director's suggestions.
It is stated that a significant increase in the share of patients attending the program in Turnville is seen. But, there is no clear mention of how much the increase has been over one year. Eventhough, the increase in share of patients may appear quite significant and large for someone, it may contrast what the statistics show. Thus the question that arises here is that what is the actual increase in the share of people in one year in the Turnville's health program? The answer to this question will reveal whether there has been really a great increase in the share of patients in the program.
Also, the survey which is done nationwide does not mention the total number of people who were surveyed and the number of people asking for the program for different areas in the nation. It may be the case that, very few people from Turnsville actually show interest in healt awareness program. As mentioned above the increase in the number of patients in Turnsville's program is not mentioned. No proper statistical data from the survey is kwown to infer that many people are interested in health awareness programs. Thus, the questions regarding the survey like number of people who took part in the survey, number of people showing interest, and the actual number of people from Turnville giving positive response in the survey are unanswered. If these are known, then any fixed conclusion can be drawn.
Moreover, what is seen as successful in Turnsville may not apply to Carson Health Center in Poway. Eventhough, we considered that Turnville got a good response to its health program, it may not turn out to be as successful in Poway. Various other factors contribute to the Health awareness program. If the people of Poway are already health conscious then they may not show further interest in health awareness programs because it will be redundant for them. Hence, Carson Health Center needs to take a survey in its area to check the need for health awareness program.
Thus, the clarity about the above mentioned questions will help the manager of Carson Center to make the correct decision of whether or not to include helth awareness programs in Poway.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: It may be the case that, very few people from Turnsville actually show interest in healt awareness program.
Error: healt Suggestion: heat
Sentence: No proper statistical data from the survey is kwown to infer that many people are interested in health awareness programs.
Error: kwown Suggestion: known
Sentence: Thus, the clarity about the above mentioned questions will help the manager of Carson Center to make the correct decision of whether or not to include helth awareness programs in Poway.
Error: helth Suggestion: health
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argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- not OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 458 350
No. of Characters: 2240 1500
No. of Different Words: 189 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.626 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.891 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.567 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 175 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 116 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.81 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.638 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.337 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.574 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.152 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 245, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this health' or 'these healths'?
Suggestion: this health; these healths
...ng to apparent results seen by starting these health awareness programs in Turnvilles Glengo...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 331, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
... may contrast what the statistics show. Thus the question that arises here is that w...
^^^^
Line 5, column 296, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ow interest in healt awareness program. As mentioned above the increase in the num...
^^
Line 7, column 503, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ce, Carson Health Center needs to take a survey in its area to check the need for...
^^
Line 9, column 126, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
... Center to make the correct decision of whether or not to include helth awareness programs in ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, hence, if, may, moreover, really, regarding, so, then, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 70.0 55.5748502994 126% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 16.3942115768 24% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2290.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 458.0 441.139720559 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.0 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62611441266 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.5988293369 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 197.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.430131004367 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 695.7 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 40.0814363758 57.8364921388 69% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.047619048 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.8095238095 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.80952380952 5.70786347227 67% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.37480994775 0.218282227539 172% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.123144342589 0.0743258471296 166% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0911313946967 0.0701772020484 130% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.201419781376 0.128457276422 157% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0907679058568 0.0628817314937 144% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.72 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.61 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.