Our previous experience has been that our stores are most profitable in areas where
residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build one
of our new stores in Plainsville, which clearly has many such residents. Plainsville
merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise equipment are at all-time
highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business,
has more members than ever, and the weight-training and aerobics classes are always
full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren
are required to participate in a program called Fitness for Life, which emphasizes the
benefits of regular exercise at an early age.
The author of the argument proposes that we should build one store in plainsville. To buttress his/her argument, the author cites the following evidences: first, the report from plainsville merchants indicates high sales of running shoes and exercise equipment; second, the local health club are full of members and weight-trainning classes are always full; finally, schoolchildren have to participate in Fitness for Life program, who are likely to become new generation of customers. though the issue has its own merit, due to lack of persuasive evidences and unaddressed assumption, the conclusion is flawed and unsubstantiated.
To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that huge sale of running shoes and exercise equipment are related to leading health lives. what if citizens just bought those things, but never used them? it is likely that some kinds of running shoes are trendy and fashion, so that most people purchase them because of the beauty and popularity, instead of utilizing for running. without the detailed information of people's exercising reports, such as statistics regarding with weekly running hour, we are unable to draw any connection between healthy lifestyles of the quantities of sports equipment sold.
Furthermore, the author suggests that local health club attracts more members than ever. The assumption may seem valid at first glance, after further examination, it is fallacious. it is plausible there are only a few active members, although the total amount of members are large. The membership does not necessarily mean that individual would attend the physically related events in the club. some might just register the member for fun. The fact that weight-training and aerobics classes are always full, in addition, does not justify the emphasis on health. The author fails to provide the number of students in every course. what if the classs sizes are small, like only 10 people every time? The enhancing focus on healthy lives might be ungrounded.
Moverover, it is questionable to predict the future trend based on the current situation. although it is true that schoolchildren are taught the significance of regular exercise at early ages, this does not mean it would persistently keep exercising habits. Development in society is rapid and we never know what will happen in the future. if government of plainsville, after five years, starts to pay attention to economics growth and emphasize the output of the whole community. people at that times perhaps need to spend most of time on work and too busy to exercise frequently. The new store, therefore, are unlikely to be profitable during that time.
Last but not least, the author fails to balance the cost and benefit of opening a new store in plainsville. if sports market in plainsville is alread very competitive, even though there are many potential consumers, there is no garantee that people would consume in this new store. Add, people might already had enough resources, including sports shoes, equipments and knowledge and so on to earn a health lives, so that the spending on this part can be reduced. The new store in plainsville is unlikely to create large profit. The author also fails to consider the cost of opening the new store, inclusing rent, training of new employees and advertisement. without sophisticated planning, it is problematic to draw the conclusion too readily.
To sum up, as it stands, the conclusion made by the author is based on several unjustified assumptions. To further strengthen his/her argument, the author is suggested to provide the evidences as follows: first, the main purpose of citiznes buying sports shoes and equipment is for exercising; second, new generations are still interested in healthy lives; third, it is out of interest and aiming at healthier lives that people become member in health club and take course.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not exactly. 1. the sample is small, only one local health club. 2. people may from other cities.
argument 3 -- OK
----------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 624 350
No. of Characters: 3162 1500
No. of Different Words: 306 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.998 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.067 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.752 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 238 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 166 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 117 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 85 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 21.632 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.292 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.542 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.088 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 486, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Though
... to become new generation of customers. though the issue has its own merit, due to lac...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 136, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: What
...nt are related to leading health lives. what if citizens just bought those things, b...
^^^^
Line 3, column 200, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...ught those things, but never used them? it is likely that some kinds of running sh...
^^
Line 3, column 376, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Without
...rity, instead of utilizing for running. without the detailed information of peoples exe...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 182, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
... further examination, it is fallacious. it is plausible there are only a few activ...
^^
Line 5, column 396, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Some
... physically related events in the club. some might just register the member for fun....
^^^^
Line 5, column 631, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: What
...the number of students in every course. what if the classs sizes are small, like onl...
^^^^
Line 7, column 91, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Although
...e trend based on the current situation. although it is true that schoolchildren are taug...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 341, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...er know what will happen in the future. if government of plainsville, after five y...
^^
Line 7, column 482, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: People
...size the output of the whole community. people at that times perhaps need to spend mos...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 109, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
... of opening a new store in plainsville. if sports market in plainsville is alread ...
^^
Line 9, column 659, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Without
...ing of new employees and advertisement. without sophisticated planning, it is problemat...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, if, may, regarding, second, so, still, then, therefore, third, in addition, such as, it is true, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 32.0 19.6327345309 163% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 11.1786427146 179% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 82.0 55.5748502994 148% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3261.0 2260.96107784 144% => OK
No of words: 622.0 441.139720559 141% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.24276527331 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.99398916966 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.85259794939 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 329.0 204.123752495 161% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.528938906752 0.468620217663 113% => OK
syllable_count: 994.5 705.55239521 141% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 19.0 8.76447105788 217% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 11.0 2.70958083832 406% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 11.0 4.22255489022 261% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 30.0 19.7664670659 152% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 80.7525782182 57.8364921388 140% => OK
Chars per sentence: 108.7 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.7333333333 23.324526521 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.36666666667 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 12.0 5.25449101796 228% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.144491337016 0.218282227539 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0391704048913 0.0743258471296 53% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0559563271199 0.0701772020484 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0727544766523 0.128457276422 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0476052974189 0.0628817314937 76% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 14.3799401198 95% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.11 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.54 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 154.0 98.500998004 156% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 62.5 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.75 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.