The originator of this argument concludes that the death rate is higher among those who do not have jobs compare to those who have regular employment, rests weakly on these three assumptions. First, the author had hyphened a robust relation between such deleterious diseases such as cancer or heart diseases with unemployment which is basically questionable. Second, the originator mentioned that, if government increase the budgets for public healthcare and medical research, it would consequence in declining economics prospects. Finally, denying what are the harmful effects of employment in modern eras completely is another fallacious hypothesizes for reaching to that conclusion.
Clearly, ratiocinating a conclusion has needed strong reasons that had been accepted logistically. Moreover, for correlating disparate subjects and facts, we need reasons that we could accede them rationally. The author waned the probability of accepting the promulgated issue, unemployment is a significant health issue just like cancer and heart disease, by not giving sufficient testimonies and substantiated surveys for concurring that generally. Hence, linking two different issues without any given reasons put this premise under the vacillate of the reader.
The other assumption made by the author to arrive at the conclusion is the wrong perception that spending monies and resources on health care would conclude to abasement of economy. For instance, we have seen a health program that ran by the government of Iran recently, which is calling "Rouhani care" that the denomination adduced from the president’s name, has shown significant success by achieving a comprehensive insurance ability for all of the people from different castes in Iran which is flexible and adaptable with different revenues. This program has enhanced both health condition and economic prosper for whole country.
Regarding to, argument relies on this assumption that unemployment would definitely harms the health condition genuinely. Without notifying the fact that, what are the detrimental effects of employment and job circulations on demotic health? Albeit, it had been seen such diseases like obesity, heart problems and numerous other ailments that were the consequences of erroneous behavior while working. Thus, not declaring those efficacious behaviors that is producing by employment is weakening the conclusion too.
In sum, the author of this argument relies heavily on its assumptions, perhaps too heavily, which has made us to question the validity of the conclusion. For strengthening the argument, the originator should involve other testimonies and more powerful reasons and surveys that caused him to reach the conclusion, with eliminating wrong perceptions that were mentioned earlier.
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
it is wrong to use external examples to prove something wrong or correct in GRE argument essays.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 413 350
No. of Characters: 2320 1500
No. of Different Words: 230 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.508 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.617 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.942 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 187 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 154 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 113 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 83 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.294 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.436 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.296 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.549 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 537, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...ny given reasons put this premise under the vacillate of the reader. The other assumption ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 457, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...g a comprehensive insurance ability for all of the people from different castes in Iran wh...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 85, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: 'harm'
Suggestion: harm
...tion that unemployment would definitely harms the health condition genuinely. Without...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
finally, first, hence, if, moreover, regarding, second, so, then, thus, while, for instance, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 46.0 55.5748502994 83% => OK
Nominalization: 25.0 16.3942115768 152% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2397.0 2260.96107784 106% => OK
No of words: 413.0 441.139720559 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.80387409201 5.12650576532 113% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.50803742585 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.06794280244 2.78398813304 110% => OK
Unique words: 237.0 204.123752495 116% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.573849878935 0.468620217663 122% => OK
syllable_count: 729.9 705.55239521 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 68.1352715186 57.8364921388 118% => OK
Chars per sentence: 141.0 119.503703932 118% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.2941176471 23.324526521 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.88235294118 5.70786347227 103% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.197053902552 0.218282227539 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0547245123021 0.0743258471296 74% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0901512202381 0.0701772020484 128% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0997143846629 0.128457276422 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.084668522047 0.0628817314937 135% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.0 14.3799401198 125% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 30.2 48.3550499002 62% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 12.197005988 123% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 16.66 12.5979740519 132% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 10.03 8.32208582834 121% => OK
difficult_words: 136.0 98.500998004 138% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 12.3882235529 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.