“A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of accidents caused by bicycling has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets and they take more risks as a result. Thus, to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents, the government should concentrate more on educating people about bicycle safety and less on encouraging or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets.”
In the newsletter,the writer presents two studies,one shows the percentage of bicyclists who wearing helmets increased from 35% to 80% during a decade;another indicate that the number of accidents bicycle-related accidents has increased 200 percent.Then the writer conclude that people wearing a helmet are more likely to take a risk and suggest that government should concentrate less on encouraging or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets.However,the reasoning of this recommendation is unconvincing due to several unsubstantiated assumptions,if proven unwarranted, will seriously challenge writer’s argument.
To start with,the writer’s recommendation heavily relies on the accidents caused by bicyclists who wear helmets and those people will more likely to take risks when driving.Base on this assumption,the writer suggest government not to encourage or require bicyclists to wear helmets.However,this assumption is potentially problematic because we are not informed with the severity of the accidents,nor do we know whether the bicyclists are to blame for these accidents.In addition,we have no idea whether the bicyclists involved in these accidents worn helmets or not.If it turns out that the severity of accidents decreased or bicyclists who wear helmets cause less accidents,then the writer’s recommendation is unconvincing.
Moreover,the writer unfairly assumes that the traffic situation today is same as ten years ago.If there are more cars and bicycles on the roads,and roads became more complex due to country’s development than before,it would not be a surprise to see more accidents than before .Besides,maybe in ten years ago,there is no such things as traffic jams,and it is very normal today.Therefore, wearing helmets would not necessarily the key to more accidents.As a result,the writer’s argument is debatable.
Even if the assumptions mentioned above are valid,the writer’s recommendation may still not be advisable due to the efficiency of education about bicycle safety.We can not be sure that the number of accidents involving bicyclists will decreased after the implement of writer’s recommendation. It is unreasonable to assume that all bicyclists are willing to take the class and government have funds to sponsor this class.what’s more,it is likely that without wearing helmets,the severity of accidents will increase and may lead to death.If these assumptions turn out to be true,then the writer’s advise is questionable.
To sum up,whether or not we should implement the writer’s recommendation depends greatly on the validity of the assumption.If these assumptions are proven unwarranted,then the recommendation will be little more than the writer’s wishful thinking,and we need to consider other solutions to solve the bicycle-related problem.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 14 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 8 15
No. of Words: 444 350
No. of Characters: 2318 1500
No. of Different Words: 200 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.59 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.221 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.051 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 175 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 144 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 104 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 76 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 55.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 23.479 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 1 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.507 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.805 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.186 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 18, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
In the newsletter,the writer presents two studies,one shows t...
^^^^
Line 1, column 50, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , one
...wsletter,the writer presents two studies,one shows the percentage of bicyclists who ...
^^^^
Line 1, column 250, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Then
...ted accidents has increased 200 percent.Then the writer conclude that people wearing...
^^^^
Line 1, column 442, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: However
...or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets.However,the reasoning of this recommendation is...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 449, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...iring bicyclists to wear helmets.However,the reasoning of this recommendation is unc...
^^^^
Line 1, column 545, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , if
...e to several unsubstantiated assumptions,if proven unwarranted, will seriously chal...
^^^
Line 3, column 14, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...enge writer’s argument. To start with,the writer’s recommendation heavily relies ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 174, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Base
... more likely to take risks when driving.Base on this assumption,the writer suggest g...
^^^^
Line 3, column 197, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...sks when driving.Base on this assumption,the writer suggest government not to encour...
^^^^
Line 3, column 283, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: However
...e or require bicyclists to wear helmets.However,this assumption is potentially problema...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 290, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , this
...quire bicyclists to wear helmets.However,this assumption is potentially problematic b...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 396, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , nor
...ormed with the severity of the accidents,nor do we know whether the bicyclists are t...
^^^^
Line 3, column 468, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: In
...clists are to blame for these accidents.In addition,we have no idea whether the bi...
^^
Line 3, column 479, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , we
...to blame for these accidents.In addition,we have no idea whether the bicyclists inv...
^^^
Line 3, column 567, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
... in these accidents worn helmets or not.If it turns out that the severity of accid...
^^
Line 3, column 661, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun accidents is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...ed or bicyclists who wear helmets cause less accidents,then the writer’s recommendat...
^^^^
Line 3, column 675, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , then
...ts who wear helmets cause less accidents,then the writer’s recommendation is unconvin...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 9, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...mmendation is unconvincing. Moreover,the writer unfairly assumes that the traffi...
^^^^
Line 5, column 96, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
...ituation today is same as ten years ago.If there are more cars and bicycles on the...
^^
Line 5, column 144, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , and
... are more cars and bicycles on the roads,and roads became more complex due to countr...
^^^^
Line 5, column 215, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , it
...due to country’s development than before,it would not be a surprise to see more acc...
^^^
Line 5, column 276, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...rprise to see more accidents than before .Besides,maybe in ten years ago,there is ...
^^
Line 5, column 278, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Besides
...rise to see more accidents than before .Besides,maybe in ten years ago,there is no such...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 285, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , maybe
... see more accidents than before .Besides,maybe in ten years ago,there is no such thing...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 308, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , there
...n before .Besides,maybe in ten years ago,there is no such things as traffic jams,and i...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 348, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , and
...,there is no such things as traffic jams,and it is very normal today.Therefore, wear...
^^^^
Line 5, column 377, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Therefore
...raffic jams,and it is very normal today.Therefore, wearing helmets would not necessarily ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 452, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: As
...t necessarily the key to more accidents.As a result,the writer’s argument is debat...
^^
Line 5, column 463, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...ly the key to more accidents.As a result,the writer’s argument is debatable. Even...
^^^^
Line 7, column 50, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...he assumptions mentioned above are valid,the writer’s recommendation may still not b...
^^^^
Line 7, column 162, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: We
...iency of education about bicycle safety.We can not be sure that the number of acci...
^^
Line 7, column 236, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'decrease'
Suggestion: decrease
... of accidents involving bicyclists will decreased after the implement of writer’s recomme...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 432, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , it
... funds to sponsor this class.what’s more,it is likely that without wearing helmets,...
^^^
Line 7, column 474, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...t is likely that without wearing helmets,the severity of accidents will increase and...
^^^^
Line 7, column 537, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
...nts will increase and may lead to death.If these assumptions turn out to be true,t...
^^
Line 7, column 577, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , then
...If these assumptions turn out to be true,then the writer’s advise is questionable. ...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 10, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , whether
...r’s advise is questionable. To sum up,whether or not we should implement the writer’s...
^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 11, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...’s advise is questionable. To sum up,whether or not we should implement the writer’s recomm...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 124, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
...eatly on the validity of the assumption.If these assumptions are proven unwarrante...
^^
Line 9, column 167, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , then
...these assumptions are proven unwarranted,then the recommendation will be little more...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 172, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... assumptions are proven unwarranted,then the recommendation will be little more t...
^^
Line 9, column 247, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , and
... more than the writer’s wishful thinking,and we need to consider other solutions to ...
^^^^
Line 10, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... to solve the bicycle-related problem.
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, however, if, may, moreover, so, still, then, therefore, in addition, as a result, to start with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2412.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 407.0 441.139720559 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.92628992629 5.12650576532 116% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49157444576 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.68553153143 2.78398813304 132% => OK
Unique words: 206.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.506142506143 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 735.3 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 6.0 19.7664670659 30% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 67.0 22.8473053892 293% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 162.409975063 57.8364921388 281% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 402.0 119.503703932 336% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 67.8333333333 23.324526521 291% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 19.1666666667 5.70786347227 336% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 43.0 5.25449101796 818% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 0.0 8.20758483034 0% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.185939731676 0.218282227539 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0968864860681 0.0743258471296 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0676776074823 0.0701772020484 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.109642109958 0.128457276422 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0676049651414 0.0628817314937 108% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 40.4 14.3799401198 281% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: -13.45 48.3550499002 -28% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 17.1 7.1628742515 239% => Smog_index is high.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 31.8 12.197005988 261% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 18.3 12.5979740519 145% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 11.15 8.32208582834 134% => OK
difficult_words: 108.0 98.500998004 110% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 30.5 12.3882235529 246% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 28.8 11.1389221557 259% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 31.0 11.9071856287 260% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.